Instead of simply enjoying my Christmas break and allowing myself to just veg out and let everything from my semester's classes fall out of my brain, I got myself a temporary job. Back in September 2008, when I was first taking classes at Grand Rapids CC, my dad suggested that I get a job at the campus bookstore because he knew several of the people that run the place. Over the course of three semesters, I worked there during six different rush periods. My main jobs were preparing and shelving used books and helping customers find their books. I got to do some other odd jobs too, such as fixing a printer (it was really just plugging something in) and delivering textbooks to a satellite campus. When I transferred to Calvin, I said my farewell to the Bookstore, (fairly) sure that it would be last time. Of course, the managers said that I was welcome to come back anytime, and since I need money for grad school, it seemed like the obvious choice for a job over break.
However, before I tell you that story I must tell you this story.
Fast forward to Saturday night: it was not a great night. I was feeling very upset about the fact that so many of my friends were getting engaged and married, I had just finished my last regular semester at Calvin, I realized that I wouldn't be seeing a lot of my friends anymore, friends my age were getting jobs and moving away...basically, I was feeling very lonely. I was sitting there, thinking it really couldn't get any worse, and then BAM! I discovered that my ex-boyfriend had just gotten engaged to his girlfriend. It's not as if I still have feelings for him, but it was mostly the fact that yet another person my age was getting married.
My mind started down its well-worn path. Is something wrong with me that all these other people my age (or younger) are getting married and I'm not even close to that? Am I unlovable? Do I need to change something about myself? And the thought that scared me the most: had God forgotten about me? Was He busy with other people's lives and He'd get back around to me once they were all set? Had I been placed in a holding pattern until God had time for me? I had certainly been feeling that way lately, given that I was a year (or more) older than almost everyone else in all of my classes last semester, I was single, and instead of moving away to take a job offer at graduation, I was moving back in with my parents to work a collection of odd jobs to raise money for more school.
On Monday, I went back to the Bookstore, bright and early. Actually, not bright at all because it was very early. Anyway, everyone was asking me how my time at Calvin had been and what I had been up to since last working at the bookstore. It was then that I realized that I had actually accomplished a lot of monumental things:
- I had graduated from college with a 4-year degree
- I had studied in Spain for five months and become fluent in Spanish
- I had completed 14 weeks of student teaching
- I had written a book manuscript (still working on getting that bad boy published)
It took being around a group of non-Calvin people to realize that my life was actually moving forward (sorry Calvin people, but it's true). At a place like Calvin, it's easy to feel like you're not forging your own path. Everyone there is serious about their academics, almost everyone gets jobs after graduation or goes on to grad school, and a whooooole lot of people get engaged by the end. I had two of the three, but somehow, I felt like I wasn't going anywhere because I wasn't three for three.
After experiencing this great revelation, I've been feeling better about myself and my ability to make something of myself. The employees of the Bookstore are so wonderfully diverse. Their goals are not to graduate and immediately get married, as seems to be the running theme at Calvin. Being among them again brought me back to myself.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
Op-Ed: Tragedy in Our Time
It's easy to think, "What if it had been my kids in that school today?" I would be willing to bet that parents across the country, perhaps even across the world, are asking themselves that question. Many friends and acquaintances of mine are parents to elementary school-age children and I know that they are hugging their kids just a little bit tighter before putting them to bed tonight. Even those of us without kids can feel the pain that radiates from Newtown, Connecticut.
Here's a question that I bet none of you are asking: "What if it had been my kid who killed 30 people?" What if it had been your son, your grandson, your brother who gunned down 20 children, his mother, and then finally himself?
For as stunningly common as mass shootings have become, it never gets any easier to digest the news. Everyone feels helpless in the wake of such tragedies and it seems like the only thing to do is rally around the families of the victims and the community. The angry crowds demonize the murderers, clamoring for blood, especially when there are children involved. But before you join that throng, ask yourself this question: "What if it had been my kid?" Would your hate still burn? Would you still love him?
I am not saying that we should condone what Adam Lanza did. He made a series of decisions with devastating consequences. There is no excuse. But ask yourself this: what kind of suffering had Adam endured to this point that brought him to that school armed to the teeth and ready for vengeance? I have to imagine that Adam had been carrying around a lot of torment for a long time; so long that it distorted his entire perception of himself and his world. Was there no one he could trust? Was there no one with whom he felt safe?
It can be easy to blame parents, siblings, bullies, mental illness, medication, loose gun laws, and so many other things that contribute to the creation of the Adam Lanzas. Instead of doing that, though, we need to open our eyes. Adam Lanza the School Shooter was not made overnight. Many months, maybe even years, of going through life unnoticed and unloved brought him to Sandy Hook ES this morning. No one reached out to him when he was at his lowest. And now no one ever will have the opportunity to do so.
But YOU do have the opportunity to reach out to the people in your life who are suffering. You know who they are. If you don't, ask God to reveal to you who they are, He'll be glad to do it. People are crying out for help, each in their own way, and you have more power than you realize to minister to them. Just showing them that you care and that you won't leave can mean the difference between life and death. If you are that hurting person, don't keep it all inside. Reach out. Someone will be there to reach back.
Hug the children in your life tonight. Pray for the parents whose children were killed. And don't forget to pray for the parents whose children have done the unfathomable.
Here's a question that I bet none of you are asking: "What if it had been my kid who killed 30 people?" What if it had been your son, your grandson, your brother who gunned down 20 children, his mother, and then finally himself?
For as stunningly common as mass shootings have become, it never gets any easier to digest the news. Everyone feels helpless in the wake of such tragedies and it seems like the only thing to do is rally around the families of the victims and the community. The angry crowds demonize the murderers, clamoring for blood, especially when there are children involved. But before you join that throng, ask yourself this question: "What if it had been my kid?" Would your hate still burn? Would you still love him?
I am not saying that we should condone what Adam Lanza did. He made a series of decisions with devastating consequences. There is no excuse. But ask yourself this: what kind of suffering had Adam endured to this point that brought him to that school armed to the teeth and ready for vengeance? I have to imagine that Adam had been carrying around a lot of torment for a long time; so long that it distorted his entire perception of himself and his world. Was there no one he could trust? Was there no one with whom he felt safe?
It can be easy to blame parents, siblings, bullies, mental illness, medication, loose gun laws, and so many other things that contribute to the creation of the Adam Lanzas. Instead of doing that, though, we need to open our eyes. Adam Lanza the School Shooter was not made overnight. Many months, maybe even years, of going through life unnoticed and unloved brought him to Sandy Hook ES this morning. No one reached out to him when he was at his lowest. And now no one ever will have the opportunity to do so.
But YOU do have the opportunity to reach out to the people in your life who are suffering. You know who they are. If you don't, ask God to reveal to you who they are, He'll be glad to do it. People are crying out for help, each in their own way, and you have more power than you realize to minister to them. Just showing them that you care and that you won't leave can mean the difference between life and death. If you are that hurting person, don't keep it all inside. Reach out. Someone will be there to reach back.
Hug the children in your life tonight. Pray for the parents whose children were killed. And don't forget to pray for the parents whose children have done the unfathomable.
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