7 Reasons That Young Adults Might Be Leaving Your Church

It seems that the CRC has been having a problem lately with their young adults (ages 18-25). As in, they are leaving in droves. They head off to college and then they don't come back. The powers that be have been discussing this issue for a while now and as I was sitting in church this morning, I put together a list of reasons that young adults are peacing out.

1. Many churches have little or no ministry aimed at young adults. This is a cyclical problem: if there is no young adult community, they'll leave; and if there's no one around to join a YA ministry, it will be difficult to get one started.
2. Similar to #1, many churches have little or no ministry that support single young adults. The CRC is really good at promoting families and marriage, but not so good at validating singlehood. It's very hard to find your place in a community where almost everyone is engaged or married and asks you, "Are you dating anyone? Have you found the Right One yet? Are you putting yourself out there?" My suggestion: a solid ministry for singles. Not everyone wants to get married. Not everyone can get married. And for those YAs that do want to get married but aren't dating anyone, you need a place where they feel validated and welcome.
3. Young adults may not see themselves represented among those leading worship, teaching church school, and serving in other positions. It's hard to picture yourself in a leadership position if your examples seem so different from you.
4. If there are few young adults in your church to begin with, the YAs that are there may feel like they don't belong. As the median age of a given church rises and members become more conservative, younger members may find themselves having to keep silent when their views differ from the collective standpoint of the church on key issues. Instead of voicing their viewpoints and risking the fallout, YAs may find it easier to simply find another church, or leave the Church altogether.
5. One in ten young adults experience depression sometime between the ages of 18 and 25. Between the demands of college, the jump into the workforce, moving away from home, and learning to be their own person, many YAs don't know how to cope. Depression is a topic that churches tend to stay far away from. Some churches go so far as to blame people who are depressed, saying that if they were better Christians, they wouldn't be depressed. Not okay, guys.
6. It's getting a little better, but historically, the church has been non-inclusive of the LGBTQQIAA community. That's Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Allies, and Asexual, if you're having trouble keeping track. I'm not gonna lay out the arguments for and against tolerating homosexuality in the Church, but just know that there are gay and lesbian Christians out there (and more of them than you might think) and it's difficult for them to feel Christ's love when the church doesn't show it.
7. Young adults have changed and the Church hasn't. That is, the years of young adulthood are characterized by change: change in environment, change in employment, change in family, change in friends, change in education, change in conscience, change in pretty much everything. When they come back to a church after being away for a while, it can be disorienting. They may still know the people, but they might feel like those people don't know them anymore. They may not even know themselves anymore. The Church is supposed to be the place where you feel at home, right? Where you'll be accepted, no matter what, right?  Where you'll be embraced with all of the stuff you've been through, right? If the Church doesn't want to change, it must at least be willing to understand and accept its sinners, just the way they are. After all, aren't we all just community of imperfect people?

A Mostly Cost-Free Guide to Raising an Achievement-Oriented Drug-Free Adult Virgin

This is an adaption from Bossypants, by Tina Fey and all tips come from experience.

1. Get her interested in spelling bees. There's nothing more desirable than a girl who spends her free time poring over national-level spelling lists.
2. Let her take care of her own unibrow/eyebrows. It might feel like it's impossible to resist the urge to pin her down and do some radical plucking, but just let her figure it out.
3. Foster her aptitude for music by encouraging her to be a musician herself so that she need not cavort with musicians later on.
4. Do not buy her a car of her own. Give her permission to drive the family car. She'll think twice about making out with some guy behind the Taco Bell in the back of the car that you all go to Grandma's house in.
5. Her first cell phone should come with her driver's license. But mom! All of the kids in my class have cell phones! Well, if all the kids in your class had chlamydia, would you want that too?
6. Her first laptop should come with her high school diploma. Reasoning, see above.
7. Don't install internet site blocking software. That will show her that you don't trust her to make good web-surfing choices. Do put the computer in a shared open space. That will show her that you intend to monitor her good web-surfing choices.
8. Cultivate a healthy fear of unplanned pregnancies and sexually-transmitted infections.
9. Convince her that living at home during her college years is a fabulous economically intelligent decision.
10. Travel the country during the summer so that she can brag to her classmates about all the national parks, landmarks, forests, monuments, and historic centers she's been to.
11. If she's not using makeup, don't encourage her to. You'll save both of you a lot of money. Plus. she probably doesn't need it and is beautiful just the way she is.
12. Strong father figure / a fear thereof. She's gotta be afraid of what will happen if she doesn't brush her teeth or lets bugs into the house by leaving the door open.
13. Let it be known that she'll be disowned if she comes home pregnant and unwed.
14. Push those AP and honors classes and encourage her to do her best in all things school-related.
15. Give her love and validation (especially you dads) so that she doesn't need to find it from that creep down the road with long greasy hair, tattoos, and a motorcycle.