I am caught in between many different worlds right now.
I have just three days left at Calvin, which feels weird. There are very few people that finish their Calvin career at the end of interim. Instead of going out with a bang - student teaching, teacher commissioning ceremony, graduation, etc. - I am going out with a whisper, disappearing quietly while everyone else enjoys interim break and gears up for spring semester.
I am in an interim class that is traditionally taken by freshmen. There are 40 freshmen in my class. While they are exploring themselves and their identities as college students and determining their paths, I am crossing off an item on a checklist. I can't get my teaching certificate until my grades for this class are in. Most of the rest of my classmates are gaining momentum; I am coasting to a stop.
I am waiting for a letter from Western Michigan University telling me that I have been accepted to the graduate program that I have been dreaming about for the last six months. I have literally had nightmares that I come home to a letter stating that my application has been rejected. WMU is the only school that I applied to because it's close, it's affordable, and its program is exactly what I want. Applying to this program was the first career decision that felt absolutely 100% right to me, far more than teaching and Spanish ever did. If I don't get in, I really don't know what I'll do. I have literally put all of my eggs in one basket.
As for my romantic life...my therapist tells me that, once I get into the grad school environment, my singleness will not be nearly so glaring as it is here at Calvin. She tells me that once I get away from Calvin, I will realize that being 23 and single is perfectly normal, expected, even desired. She tells me that I have chosen a different path than many people my age; a path of higher education and career pursuit. It's hard to remember that and be content with it when I can see so many friends together on a path that I want to be on. Different path. Different path. Different....path.....
On a somewhat unrelated note, counseling is great. Not great as in a good time, but soul-great. You should try it.
So as you can see, I am caught in between the worlds of Calvin and Western, between freshmen and graduates, between singleness and marriage, between frustration and contentment...God is a God of works-in-progress.
