Things I Have Learned From Watching Friends

1. Boys jump around and hug just as much as girls do. They also take naps together. They even kiss each other from time to time.
2. There will always be on ex that you can't get out of your life. Even moving to Yemen won't help.
3. Don't marry a gay ice dancer just to get him a green card. He will inevitably return to your life and confess his heterosexuality.
4. Nothing is too outrageous for a soap opera plot - falling to one's death in an elevator shaft, being the father to only one child in a set of twins, a brain transplant...the possibilities are endless.
5. All you have to do to get over a man is make a billion jars of jam.
6. Men and women understand different things by the phrase "We are on a break." In fact, most women do not recognize it as an excuse at all. You're better off apologizing.
7. Any lock can be picked with the wire out of a woman's underwire bra.
8. What happens at the beach stays at the beach. Until you act weird and everyone finds out what happened.
9. Always double-check to make sure that what you are throwing on the fire is a log, not a leg.
10. Chandler Bing's job title...transponster?
11. Telling people that you are having your brother's triplets will never get old.
12. Dressing up in wedding dresses and drinking beer on the couch is the best way to cheer someone up.
13. If two of your friends are disappearing together for long periods of time, it is NOT because they are doing laundry.
14. It is very easy to find work in Las Vegas when you find out the movie you were supposed to star in has been canceled.
15. If you want to give someone a large sum of money without them realizing it, all you have to do is invent a card game, give it the name of a mundane object, and make up the rules as you go. Just make sure that the other person doesn't play it with someone else and lose all the money you just gave them.
16. Do not, under any circumstances, leave teeth whitening gel on for a single minute longer than prescribed.
17. You can get back at your twin sister for appearing in porno movies under your name by telling the production office that you have moved so that all of her checks are sent to you instead.
18. What happens in London stays in London. Until you start kissing everyone, leaving your underwear in other peoples' apartments, and doing tons of laundry every day and everyone finds out what happened.
19. Unagi is a type of sushi. That's it.
20. A wedding musket is just as good as an engagement ring.
21. Silent Auction ≠ Estimation Contest.
22. Cheesecake should never be wasted. Even if you dropped an entire cheesecake on the floor, you can still eat it. Seriously. No pasa nada.
23. A toy boat can instantly make a bubble bath more masculine.
24. Freddy Prinze, Jr. makes one heck of a nanny.
25. "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mixalot is 100% appropriate to sing to your baby when you want her to laugh.
26. Uncle Jesse (John Stamos) makes one heck of a sperm donor.
27. Humidity ruins lives. And hair. And Ping-Pong matches.
28. No one counts the seconds with Mississippi anymore, most especially the people that operate spray tanning parlors.
29. Danny DeVito makes two hecks of a stripper.
30. Getting married in the streets of New York City after a blizzard will turn out to be even more romantic than all of the plans you already made.
31. You can change your name to LITERALLY ANYTHING. Princess Consuela Bananahammock? Crap Bag? Be creative!
32. True love will always find its way.