"You just gotta come!" - Living the Legacy

For the past four or five years in a row, the Conference Grounds has held a dedication service after the evening church service during Memorial Day weekend. This year, instead of dedicating cottages (like the last several years), we dedicated the new deck and swings that overlook the beach. I thought at first that it would be exactly like the other ones: we all troop up to the site, the Director says a few things and thanks the donors, someone from the Board of Directors says a few things, we all sing a song, and then there are cookies and ice cream available.

This year was very different. First of all, we stayed in the Auditorium because it had been storming all day. Second, (and this is what I didn't realize), we were not only dedicating a structure, but we were dedicating the memories of people that have come to be very important to the life of the Conference Grounds. These people are...
Ade and Betty DeKorte: This couple was a pair of volunteers from many many years ago. Only a few of the current staff members actually worked with them, but they have still been involved in the legacy of the Grounds. Ade passed away last year (I think) and his memorial fund donated a lot of the money for the deck reconstruction.
George Dykstra: I don't know very much about George. From the way people talked about him, he camped at the Grounds and was very involved here for a long time, as are his children and grandchildren. He passed away while walking along the Lake Michigan shore. It was a very weird day. I was working in the store and I remember all of a sudden several staff members running in, saying that George had just been discovered on the beach, not breathing. They had to pull out the registry to figure out which sites his wife and family were on, and it was just a flurry of activity all day. Very emotional and confused.
Carol Kuipers: I worked with this woman for two summers and she was amazing. She and her husband Don were volunteers for the month of August and they always did more than they were asked. The one thing that stands out to me is that they always took the kitchen trash out for us. Normally, that's a job that the store girls do before mopping the kitchen. But Don and Carol always did it for us when they were here. I don't think I'll ever forget that.
Eileen Wiersma: "You just gotta come!" That's what I'll always remember about her. She devoted her entire self to promoting the Conference Grounds. But instead of waxing on and on about everything we have to offer, she'd pick one thing, say it, and then follow it up with "You just gotta come and see it. I guarantee you'll love it as much as I do." She passed away last summer after a long and storied fight with cancer. When the doctors told her that the treatment was no longer working and that she had 4 or 5 days left, a week at the most, she decided that she wanted to spend those days at the Conference Grounds. Seventeen days later, on the way to Hospice for permanent residence, Eileen passed away. I truly believe that the Conference Grounds kept her alive. It's not just a campground. It's a life-giving (and sustaining) community.

This year's theme song, "O Church Arise," seems to perfectly fit not only this year's theme, but the themes of the last several years. Verse 4 is my favorite and the most stirring to me.

So Spirit come, put strength in every stride
Give grace for every hurdle
That we may run with faith to win the prize
Of a servant good and faithful
As saints of old still line the way
Retelling triumphs of His grace
We hear their calls and hunger for the day
When with Christ we stand in glory

When I hear "As saints of old still line the way / Retelling triumphs of His grace," Eileen's face (as well as the faces of so many others) come to my mind. They ran with faith, and now they're cheering us on as we continue to run.

And one day, we'll be standing beside them, encouraging the saints that come behind us.

A Little Boy's Explanation of God

Written by an 8-year-old named Danny Dutton, who lives in Chula Vista, CA, for his third grade homework assignment, to 'explain God.'

'One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.' 'God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.' 'God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.' 'Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista . At least there aren't any who come to our church.' 'Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him. But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.' 'His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.' 'You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.' 'You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God! Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.' 'If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.' 'But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases. And...that's why I believe in God.'

Come Ye Apart....and Don't Waste Your Summer

Guys, it's here. I am updating from my beloved Conference Grounds!! What's more, I'm updating from the comfortable green sectional in the girls' cottage, Amistad. With Internet. Oh yes.
So what have I been up to...
Well, I got out here yesterday around 9ish, JUST in time to see the sunset, which was amazing. My roommate Jessica and I wandered around for a bit, said hi to some people, and then joined my brother, Kevin, and Ben for a bomb-sized fire (just kidding, maintenance men). Then Jessica and I had a sleepover! Sort of. Haha. Her mom was already asleep, so we just went to bed.
Today, I worked for 11 hours. No lie. It was crazy, but that's okay. I got to see a bunch of the Memorial Day Weekend regulars, serve up some dinner, pie, and ice cream, and do the general store thang.

It's hard for me to put into words just how excited I am to be back. Whenever things were bad in Spain, I would think of being back at the Grounds. It's one of the best communities I've ever been a part of. The staff includes all ages, from high schoolers all the way up to the retired fellows. The retired people are some of my favorite people in the whole world. They share so much wisdom with us and some of them (like Jessica's grandpa) get into more mischief than my 3rd and 4th graders.

But mostly, it's great just to be back where I know I belong. I can always be sure that I'm making a difference here, and I love knowing that. This place will always occupy a big place in my heart.

It's good to be back. :)

La Ciega: An Update on the LASIK Option

Some of you (most especially the Spain crew) know that around April, my dad emailed me to say that he sent my file over to a ophthalmic surgeon to decide if LASIK eye surgery could be an option to correct my inSANEly terrible vision. The file checked out, and we scheduled an appointment for the week of my return in order to go in for some testing and scans and continue with this little process.

Well, that appointment was today. I had to get up way too early, had my glaze-y-eyed appearance commented on by a very chattery woman in the waiting room, and got checked on by an assistant. We did some of the routine stuff, like determining the shape of my eyes and measuring the thickness of my corneas (in order for LASIK to be successful, the corneas have to have a certain degree of thickness of shape. The worse your vision is, the thinner your corneas are). The assistant took those measurements out to the ophthalmologist to have him look over some things.

Let me take this moment to provide some background. I have been wearing glasses since I was 5 years old. I had a brief flirtation with contacts (5th-9th grade) before we found out that they made my eyes wayyyy too dry for daily wear. Around the time that I went back to glasses, the ophthalmologist told me that LASIK would be an excellent option once I turned 18 and my vision stopped deteriorating so dramatically. So basically, I've had this laser surgery thing in the back of my head for years. I had even heard some of the doctors saying that this surgery would be necessary, not just cosmetic, and that I needed this in order to start over (vision-wise). It had kind of become an inevitability in my mind.

The assistant came back in and said, "Andrea, I have bad news. You don't qualify for LASIK because your corneas are too thin. If it makes you feel better, Dr. Bennett wants you to know that you missed it by a long shot." Yeah, that makes me feel a LITTLE bit better; it's not like I missed it by a few months or a year. It sounds like I missed it by several years. And several years ago, I wouldn't have been able to have the surgery anyway because my prescription was changing too rapidly. I guess that's that.

The good news is that my eyes are completely healthy, besides the fact that they don't work. There is no degeneration, no disease, nothing like that. They just don't work. Kind of like a spinal cord injury: the legs still have muscles and bones and are totally healthy, but they don't work.

The other good news is that there is a piece of technology that Europe has been using for years that is still waiting on FDA approval (not surprising, since Europe sells whole legs of ham in the supermarket and boxed milk that has a shelf-life of 6 months). It sounds like a surgical implant, and it would correct my vision regardless of how bad it gets.

So I guess there's a little bit of hope there. I was really really really banking on the LASIK option. I was looking forward to being able to swim and see where I'm going, being able to shave my legs in the shower and actually see them, and being able to walk in the rain without having to constantly wipe off my glasses.

I guess we wait.

Things I Missed and/or Took For Granted About Home

Of course, my family and friends go at the top of this list. But here are the non-human things I missed about the U.S...
1. Driving and singing in my car.
2. Cheez-its. Mom sent me two boxes this past semester, but let's face it. They were gone in like, 2 seconds.
3. Cold water and drinks with ice.
4. Not being stared at in the street. Or at least if I was being stared at, it was because I was doing something silly, in which case the staring is legit. But in Spain, we all got the "up and down and halfway up again" stares. EVERYWHERE WE WENT.
5. Stores like Meijer, where you can find almost anything you need in one place.
6. My cell phone and unlimited calls+texts for $16/month, not 35c/minute/text.
7. Meat and pasta.
8. Leaving the house with wet hair and not being questioned. Seriously. The mamás in Spain would not let us go outside with wet hair because they thought we would get pneumonia. One of them went to so far as to put a bowl over her student's head so that she could watch something outside after having recently showered.
9. Memory Foam.
10. My purse. I carried all my stuff around in a shoulder bag while in Spain, but it wasn't nearly as cool or flashy as my purse. Also missed my awesome pink wallet.
11. The Conference Grounds - the people, the atmosphere, the community, the love.
12. Being smiled at (and sometimes even greeted) as you pass someone in the street.
13. Signs/directions/everything in English.
14. Being able to talk to people whenever I wanted to (without having to calculate the time difference and figure out where they would be).
15. Being able to plug any appliance or electronic device into any outlet at the same time as another. And not having to use an adapter.
16. Being able to express myself.
17. Being able to defend myself.
18. Throwing out well-timed sarcasm and one-liners. I was just beginning to master some Spanish humor when we left. :)
19. My electric guitar with its pink strap.
20. Pandora radio + Hulu + instant netflix.
21. Knowing I'm where I belong.

"I don't know."

It's been an interesting couple of days.
For one thing, I wake up every day before 8am, completely unable to fall back to sleep. I'm not wide awake, I don't feel rested...in fact, it's like waking up in the middle of the night. Groggy...disoriented. It's getting old. I just wanna sleep.
It has been great to be home. Don't get me wrong. But at the same time, it's very difficult. Everyone wants to know how the semester was, where I went, what I did, what my favorite part was...
But the problem is that even I don't always know. Tonight especially, on this little whirlwind of ups and downs and arounds. I don't know how to answer those questions with any kind of decent honesty. I can spout off the list of places I went to, or what we would do on the weekends, but if you're looking to know about the deeper things, the emotions of the journey, I'm afraid you'll have to wait.
I spent the evening with a friend who went on a semester abroad in the fall and she had some very wise words for me. She told me that it's okay to not know. It's okay to admit that. It's okay to say "I don't know" instead of saying what I know people want to hear.

It's okay to not know. Someday I will.

Americana Tonta: The Plight of the Foreigner

It took me a long time to realize that I couldn't effectively defend myself, my choices, my attitudes, and my beliefs to my host family and other Spanish people I came into contact with last semester.
It took me even longer to realize that I should stop trying and that it wasn't worth it to get frustrated.
Spain is way different from America. Duh. Here's what I'm focusing on: tact and expression.
When I was growing up, my parents taught me that it is not okay to say out loud whatever you are thinking. It's okay to think what you want, but saying rude things is not polite. Yeah, you might not like that person's haircut, or that outfit might make that person look ugly, or you may notice that that person is very overweight. But you don't SAY those things to their face, or to other people.
It's a bit different in Spain. People tend to be very blunt there, saying exactly what they think, not worrying about what others will think. And it works for them: words don't offend there as easily as they can here. They're not afraid to discuss anything or to say exactly what they think about it. You know how in the States we tend to stay away from discussing polarized topics like politics and religion in groups of people that we don't know very well? It's because we don't want to offend anyone and create a bad impression.
Now, it's not that this doesn't ring true in Spain; it's that Spaniards don't take offense at others' opinions. Everyone can blast their opinion in whatever forum about any topic they wish. It's kind of an inalienable right.
It took me a really long time to get used to this. For the first couple of months, I had the impression that all Spaniards are very rude and need to take a class or two about tactful interaction. But as I listened to/observed more conversations between Spanish women, I came to realize that they don't take offense. They dish it out and they take it like champs. The concept of what is considered rude in Spain is entirely different from what it is in the States. It was really hard to get used to at first and I had to actively ignore the things that were offending me. "Shake it off, don't take it personally" is what one of the girls here always said. I had to learn how to let people say and think what they would about me and keep it on the outside. Letting it sink into my mind and heart started to break me down and I wouldn't have survived. In a way, I became kind of hardened in Spain, but at the time, it was necessary. If I hadn't, I probably would have fallen apart.

The hardest part about living in another language is the inability to express oneself. It's easy to tell someone what emotion you're experiencing at a given time, but it's hard to explain why. I mean, that's hard in your native language sometimes! It's also incredibly hard to argue in another language. Arguing is a pretty complex process: you have to clearly state a point, think on your feet to rebutt the point, and in general, speak concisely and quickly. Doing all of that is very difficult in a language you're just starting to master. We began to discover that in 9 times out of 10, it's easier (and less frustrating) to simply agree and let it be. We would get nowhere in trying to argue with our host families regarding our actions, attitudes, or beliefs. We could never convince them otherwise because our Spanish wasn't quick enough. And we had to be okay with that. It was very humbling to know that we couldn't always stand up for ourselves; that we had to give in on a daily basis. That we couldn't always have the upper hand and the control.

Returning to the States has made me wonder how often we turn this mentality onto the non-native English speakers in our country. In Spain, we couldn't prove how much we knew and how intelligent we KNEW we were because we didn't know the words. In class, we could have had an entire argument mapped out in our heads, but we couldn't verbalize it. That's part of the reason the OPI was so nerve-wracking. I understood the questions perfectly, knew exactly what I wanted to say, but it was hard to put it into Spanish words quickly and effectively.
Now why do we do this to immigrants? All too often, we assume that they are unintelligent or lazy because their English is not very good and we can't understand them. The immigrant you see at the Secretary of State's office struggling to make the clerk understand that he wants to apply for a driver's license might be a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher in his home country. But we assume otherwise simply because he can't prove his intelligence to us.

Being on the other side opened my eyes. Immigration was a topic close to my heart before going to Spain, and after returning, I understand their struggles (at least a few of them) more intimately. Please remember some of what I've written the next time you encounter an immigrant.

Have compassion.

"Welcome Home."

I cannot tell you how long I have been waiting for this.
Actually, yes I can. haha. A looooong time.
Anyway, I am home from Spain, feeling overjoyed and excited and finally at peace. Four and a half months is a long time to be away. When we went through customs/border control at O'Hare yesterday, the agent handed my passport back to me, smiled, and said, "Welcome home." I absolutely loved that. One normally expects customs agents and other government workers to be overworked and tired because they deal with thousands of people and tons of shenanigans all day, but her smile and "Welcome home" just warmed my heart. It's one thing to hear it from your family and friends, but another thing entirely to hear it from a total stranger that you will NEVER see again. Maybe she had lived in another country for several months and knew how it felt.
So we left Denia at 2:30am on Thursday. Instead of sleeping before that, a couple of us girls decided to hang out at Sarah's and watch a movie. I stayed awake for almost 48 hours - 8am (2am GR time) on Wednesday until 11pm Thursday night. I slept in little half-hour chunks about 5 times, which is probably why I didn't go completely insane. Here's a breakdown of our journey home:
2:30am -> bus ride from Denia to Valencia
4:30am ->Arrive in Valencia, wait for flight
6am -> flight to Madrid
8am ish - 11:30ish -> layover in Madrid. Getting a little punchy.
11:30am ish - 2:30pm ish -> Flight from Madrid to Chicago. This might look like a short flight, but don't forget: we added 6 hours flying over the Atlantic. For someone who rarely is able to sleep in a place that isn't a bed, this is TORTURE. Getting seriously punchy.
5:30pm - 9:15pm -> Van ride from Chicago to GR. Everyone is exhausted and just wants to be home. Sarah and I passed the time by lip-synching our favorite Glee duets to each other.

Arriving at Calvin and seeing everyone waiting for us was the single best moment of the semester. My family came, my friend Allison came, and even my roommates Jessica and Rebecca came! Bex was supposed to catch a flight to Costa Rica the following morning (departing from her house at 3am), but she and Jessica came over anyway, and it was so nice to see her before she left for Costa Rica for 2 months.
Today I saw a bunch of people, surprised my middle schoolers at lunch, went to softball game (I really missed watching those while I was in Spain) and hung out a bit at home. I've having some trouble explaining with words just how great it is to be finally home. I had a good time in Spain, but it was more than time to be back.   I can't stop smiling and it's like everything is new again. I know that this will wear off after a week or so, which will be the PERFECT time to head out to the Conference Grounds! As fun as this has been, the Grounds is going to be even better. I can't wait. The Grounds is my second home with my second family and I'm so excited to get back to them.

This whole homecoming experience has made me think a bit about the purpose/inspiration of this blog. As fantastic and heartwarming and affirming as this homecoming has been, how much more fantastic and heartwarming and affirming will our homecoming be in Heaven? God will be there waiting for us, arms held out, and He'll say "Welcome home, my child." And we won't have to worry about leaving. We won't have to worry about saying good bye and leaving our loved ones behind. It's forever. I want to live my life in a way that anticipates my heavenly homecoming as much as I anticipated my earthly homecoming. It will be even better.

"Welcome home."

But Not For Long!!

My suitcases are packed (and within the weight limit, thank goodness), my backpack has anything I should need while traveling (hopefully), and I've got a six-pack in my carry-on. Of apple juice.

Funny story about that packing...I had no trouble fitting everything into my suitcases. I stuffed socks and underwear into shoes, mugs, and a water bottle. I somehow ended up with 6 gallon-sized ziploc bags in addition to the two compression plastic bags that I brought over, which meant that I fit a decent portion of clothing into those things and compressed the heck out of 'em. I even wrapped scarves around textbooks. It was awesome.

But then it came time to weigh those suckers. One was fine at 43 lbs, but the other was like, 58lbs. Limit is 50. Shoooooooot.

So I did the only thing I could do. I had to pack my second carry-on (I had been planning to take just my backpack on the plane). What is it filled with? Books. All books. Exclusively books. That's what I get for bringing a dictionary that has over 100,000 entries, buying 2 hardcover Harry Potter books in Spanish, and taking some of my textbooks home. Luckily, I have a buyer for the textbooks, or I would just leave them here. But it's allllll worth it. :)

Everything is packed, now I just have to wait another 9 hours. What's nine hours after 134 days?

I am QUITE ready to be going home. I'll miss Spain, I think, and if there's an opportunity to get back here someday on cheap airfare, I'll take it. I'll certainly miss my host family. They were really awesome and Consuelo is a realllllly good cook. I had to say goodbye to Pau, my 9-year-old "nephew" last night unexpectedly and I wasn't ready for it! It will be okay though. This is what Skype is for. For right now, I'm ready to leave.

It's probably slightly more accurate to say that what I'll miss about Spain are my classmates and friends. For me, they are Spain. Yeah, Denia is a cute town with nice people, two beaches, a castle, and warm bread whenever you want it. But without all these great Calvin students, Denia would be empty for me. Lonely. I know I've gone on about this before, but it's what I've enjoyed most about Spain. Coming back and seeing everything on my own wouldn't be nearly as enjoyable, nor would it mean the same to me.

Maybe it was something I did wrong over the course of the semester - enjoying Spain because of my classmates, not for itself. But I don't care. I would have rather had them here than get my fill of Spanish culture and cities and sights without them.

So anyway, we've got a looooooong day of travel. Tomorrow morning, at 2:30am, we are getting on a bus to Valencia to catch a flight to Madrid. We hang out in Madrid for like, 4 or 5 hours (that will be funnnn) before hopping a 9-hour flight to Chicago. Those who won't have people coming to pick them up then get into the vans from Calvin to head back to GR. With the time difference, it is about 24 hours of traveling. I have a feeling that this last leg will be the worst part, waiting-wise. ESPECIALLY if we spend ANY amount of time stuck in rush hour traffic. At least on a long flight, we know we're moving toward something. Sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic is one of the things that tests my patience the most. If we're lucky, we'll be able to make it through customs and baggage claim quickly to beat all that traffic. Here's hoping. :)

I'm so excited to see my family and friends. Not to mention my middle-schoolers (some of whom are only middle schoolers for a few more weeks, sad), my Conference Grounds co-workers, and everyone else in my life back in Michigan. Skype is a fantastic band-aid, but it just isn't the same as seeing your favorite people face-to-face.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone that prayed for me, encouraged me, and sent their love from across the ocean. Even to those of you that I haven't even met yet but are reading this blog. It really made a difference for me, I promise. :)

Drama, Drama, Drama...

Actually, this post is about a lack of drama.

Some of us girls were laying out on the beach this morning/early afternoon just talking about everything and anything. One of the topics that surfaced was how we have experienced NO drama this semester. Do you know how rare that is? There are 18 girls on this semester abroad, we all have more or less the same classes, and we know virtually nobody else in this whole country that is our age. Not to mention, we took three long weekend excursions this semester, which means 4 days together, 12 hours of which are spent on a greyhound bus. Basically, we are together alllllll the time.

And yet, we haven't had to deal with a single bit of drama! It has been such a blessing. A few people said that last semester's group had so much drama, and I'm so thankful that we haven't had any. It just makes things so much easier in every aspect. We can mix in any group or combination imaginable and be completely comfortable with each other, which is a rare concept in a group of 18 girls, if you ask me.

God has really blessed us this semester. I'm so glad I got the opportunity to meet these girls, because I'm very sure that I would not have gotten to know the majority of them otherwise. :)

A Little Bit More About That OPI....

So the last time I posted, I was resigned to the fact that I didn't do very well on the OPI (the oral proficiency exam required by the state of Michigan in order to student teach) and that I should emotionally prepare myself to see "Intermediate High" on that webpage. the format is like this: I took what is technically the OPIc, which means that the questions came from an avatar on a webpage through the computer's speakers. I then had 1-2 minutes to respond to each into a microphone. I got one chance to repeat the question, but after that, I had to respond. Silence indicates to the evaluator a lower level of Spanish than I'm trying to reach. So think of that, I had to think on my feet, make SOMETHING up if I didn't have a true story or situation to answer with, and I had to do it all in Spanish of course.
Talk about pressure.
I'm not trying to be modest or self-deprecating here; I honestly felt that the Spanish that I spoke during that test was some of the worst I'd spoken this semester. I was second-guessing everything I was saying, getting overwhelmed, trying to think back on my answers to make sure my verbs were conjugated with the correct subject and in the correct tense and mood, that my adjectives matched the gender and number of my nouns, and most especially that I was using the preterite and imperfect tenses correctly. They are both past tenses, but have very distinct uses. Intermediate Highs are separated from Advanced Lows primarily by whether or not the student uses those two tenses correctly. Anyway, I had psyched myself out and worn myself down and by the end of the test, I was filled with such dread for the results. Professor Slagter had to proctor the test and so was in the room for the whole thing, and she said that she thought my answers were good and probably better than I thought they were. But all the way home and all the rest of the day, all I could think about was things I did wrong or didn't demonstrate well enough to reach that Advanced Low. It was a bad rest of the day. On top of that, the results typically take 5-10 business days, which would put it after our return to the States. 4 days left here with nothing to do but worry about those results, eh?
...The results came last night. Within 36 hours, which was pretty interesting. I got home from a friend's house around midnight, checked the webpage that would show the results just on a whim (without really expecting anything) and the first page said "Test Status: Completed" instead "Test Status: Pending." Well, I almost had a heart attack! I knew that either really good news or really BAD news was one click away. Dramatic.
The next few minutes (and what happened) were kind of a blur after I clicked the link to proceed to the results:

I screamed (silently, as it was almost 1 am), began to cry (silently), laughed (silently), danced in place on my bed (silently), and almost dropped my computer off my lap in the process of dancing (NOT silently). I was so relieved, so excited, so full of emotion. It was the best I'd felt all semester. It was SUCH a load of my shoulders, a burden that I had been carrying all semester because I knew it would culminate with this test. It feels so good to have it lifted off. 

The funniest part of all of this is that today, Spanish came so easily to me. You know why? Because I wasn't second-guessing myself on EVERY SINGLE THING I said! All semester, I would worry about my grammar, worry about people understanding me, worry about just about everything related to Spanish. I would mentally beat myself up for making mistakes that I knew I had made immediately afterward (for example, for you Spanish speakers, saying "chicas buenos" instead of "chicas buenas" as is grammatically correct). As soon as the words would leave my mouth, I knew they were wrong and I would get upset with myself. 

Over the course of the semester, my confidence in my Spanish speaking abilities and in myself as a whole deteriorated immensely. Only I didn't realize it until I saw that Advanced Low rating. Now that some arbitrary evaluator told me that I had reached the level of competence I needed, my confidence comes rushing back. 

Why is it like that? I have been surrounded all semester by awesome people that have become great friends, and especially a core group of us education students. There were seven of us, all girls, all of us with the OPI to think about and practice for this semester. We've practiced with each other, prayed for each other, and encouraged each other. And while all of this encouragement and camaraderie was immensely helpful in those moments, it never really restored my confidence. My faith in myself. So ironic, that a complete stranger in New York made this happen instead of my closest friends. It almost seems unfair... 

I'm so glad that it's done and over with. I feel like I can enjoy Spain now that all of my energy and focus isn't going into this stupid exam. Four more days, make the most of them, Andrea. 

Thank you to everyone that prayed for me and encouraged me this semester and most especially in the hour of that OPI. God pulled a fancy little miracle out of his sleeve on this one. 

And to all of you that have told me you knew I could do it....I'm glad that at least YOU all knew, because I sure didn't!

Free at last, free at last!!

Thank you, exams, for consuming my life this week. It's been a while since I've had an ENTIRE week devoted to exams. Not since high school, really. The last two semester at Calvin have included education classes, which don't have exams, just final projects. I can't decide which I prefer...
This semester, I had 7 final exams (6 of which were this week):
-History of Spain and Hispanoamerica
-Literature of Spain and Hispanoamerica
-Spanish Conversation
-Spanish Grammar
-Composition for the Spanish department at Calvin
-Contemporary Spanish Civilization
-THE DREADED ORAL PROFICIENCY INTERVIEW

A lot of you have been asking how the OPI went. To be completely truthful, I think it was some of the worst Spanish I've spoken this semester. I was nervous all the night before, all the morning of, and if possible, even more nervous during the exam. I felt like my speech was really clunky and full of pauses, and that when I didn't know what to say, I would simply rephrase what I had said earlier. I felt pretty terrible about how it had gone, but the proctor (Professor Slagter) told me that she thinks I did well in spite of my nerves. One of the important aspects of the OPI that separates the Intermediate Highs from the Advanced Lows (which is the level I needed to reach) is the ability to tell stories in many different tenses and to maintain that tense. Many times, when students get tired or frustrated or nervous, they revert back to a tense they can use comfortably, like the present tense. She told me that I maintained my stories in the past tense, so that's good. Hopefully it was enough to get me that Advanced Low. If not, I've got a couple more opportunities to take it in the fall before student teaching in the spring. And my lifeguards at the Grounds (cough, Kevin and Marie) can help me practice this summer. :)

Okay, so finals are done, as of 12:16pm this morning. I celebrated by getting sunburned at the beach. It's just my face though, so don't get all worried. We have a banquet tomorrow to thank the host families and to commemorate Calvin's program in Spain because this is the last year. We'll have slideshows, a game show (pretty interested to see how that turns out), some fantastic vocal performances by us students, and a good lunch. On Sunday, Josiah is hosting all of us students at his house, which will probably be the last hurrah for our group. Chances are pretty high that it will be the last time that we will all be together, at least for this trip because not everyone is coming back to the States at the same time. It will be bittersweet, at least for some of us. We've grown pretty close and we make a really good group. I honestly believe that the group is what has made the non-academic side of the semester so awesome.

That's what's up for the weekend. After that, we have Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday and an outrageously early departure from Denia on Thursday morning. We're talking 2:30. AM. Good times. Many, if not all of us, are planning to just camp out on the beach all day every day next week. If we can. We've got to come back with good tans, right? I'm sure we'll be getting our fill of the good Spanish food before we have to leave as well.

I'm headed out to hang out with some amigos. I hope you all are having great weather and a good day! See you GR people in 6 days!!

Sandals and Sunshine...Oh Wait, I Was Taking Exams Instead

Take it from me, it is way easier to concentrate on exams when it's not 80 degrees and sunny.
I always take my notes to the beach, thinking that I'll be able to read through them and study while I lay out.

HA.

Anyway, I've survived two of them (Literature and History), Conversation and a composition for the department tomorrow, and Contemporary Spanish Civilization (lovely, eh?) on Friday. To me, it seems to be a fairly downhill journey from here. We'll have a lovely farewell banquet for all the families, students, professors, and directors on Saturday, a party with just us on Sunday, and then three days of relaxation, shopping, and the beach before we hop a flight home. Sounds pretty great, right?

Oh wait, I'm missing something...yup, the OPI.

The Oral Proficiency Interview is an exam that I have to pass at a certain level (in this case, Advanced Low) in order to be able to continue in the Education program and student teach next semester. It has literally been a weight on my shoulders since arriving here in January because we knew we had to practice all semester in order to pass it. I'm taking mine on Thursday at noon and I could not be more nervous. So far, 5 girls have taken it and only 2 have passed. If all 5 had passed, I'd be fine. But knowing that they didn't makes me more nervous.

If I don't pass, it won't be the end of the world. There will be two more opportunities in the fall, but that's it. Student Teaching is the following semester. Plus, they've told us that our Spanish is at its best at the end of a semester abroad because we have been immersed in the language for 4.5 months. It will be harder to pass it the second time around and I don't even want to think about that. At the very least, living in the Spanish House will help me practice if things turn out badly.

Whenever I think about taking this OPI, my heart starts to beat really fast and it gets hard to breathe. I just want to pass it and be done and not have it weighing on my shoulders all summer too. That would be the worst. This is where one of my worst fears surfaces: failure. I have failed very few things in my life and I fear being less than adequate. Which brings me to my request....

To those of you that read this, will you pray for me? I normally don't like asking for prayer for myself, but I really need some this week. Please pray that God would help me to stay calm these next few days and not completely freak out, that during the test I would be able to speak clearly and think on my feet, and that I can be content with the results if they turn out badly.
Thank you all so much. It really means a lot to me. :)

I'll end with something fun. There are exactly 444 days until the Summer Olympics in London. I absolutely love the Olympics, summer more than winter really, but I love them a LOT. I love having a huge group of people together with food and drinks and everyone shouting and cheering and talking. Summers that have the Olympics are just better.
:)

Things I Have Done to Avoid Studying This Week

1. Watched 6 episodes in a row of 30 Rock.
2. Walked to llao llao for a frozen yogurt with granola, fresh strawberries, and fruit of the forest topping.
3. Laid out on the beach. Although, I took my notes along and did two days of history while there. So maybe this one doesn't fully count.
4. Innumerable games of Solitaire.
5. Skyped with Jessica, my parents, my brothers, and my grandparents.
6. Learned French - pommes frites, sil vous plait.
7. Brainstormed names for the new fish.
8. Naps.
9. Read four chapters of my Spanish Harry Potter book.
10. Counted the spare change on my bedside table, desk, and dresser. 2.69E.
11. Considered filing an official complaint against the train conductors that lay on the horn every time they go past my building (twice per hour).
12. Shaved my legs and put lotion on them.
13. Found the nutcracker and all the other hidden objects in the book that I use under my laptop, "Find the Nutcracker in His Christmas Ballet."
14. Played a review game on the internet about 213098234 times to learn the countries of Central and South America for an exam.
15. Fended off the random dog that has appeared in the apartment. Again.
16. Watched Friends in Spanish. Not as funny, but hearing the Spanish cast members singing Smelly Cat TOTALLY makes up for it.
17. Counted down the days to my birthday, which is the 17th of October. 160!
18. Searched for Calvin and Hobbes comics online.
19. Changed my desktop picture 4 times.
20. Counted down the days to the beginning of student teaching: 265. Oh heavens.
21. Checked the going rate for human livers on the black market.
22. ..............

I don't want to study. :)

A Murder Mystery

September 10, 2010: Madi Yoder gives me a fish as an early birthday present. It's a red male beta and I decide to name him Chubasco, which means "downpour" in Spanish. I found a LEGO scuba diver, shark, and piece of seaweed to put in the bowl with him for company (and because it made me laugh). Chubasco and I became best friends (well, as good of a friend as a fish can be) and he made the long nights of studying go by more easily.
December, 2010: I had to say good-bye to Chubasco because my mom said she would not take care of him for the whole semester while I was away. Okay, that was fine, Renee (my roommate) said she would take care of him for the spring. Good deal, we're all set.
May, 2011: My parents go to Calvin to pick up my futon, table, and my beloved Chubasco. As I skyped with my family this afternoon, my brother Drew brings the fish bowl in so that I can say hi to Chubasco.

EXCEPT.

Chubasco is now blue. Completely blue. I was 98% sure that Chubasco was red when I left. I had to go back through my Photo of the Day album on Facebook and sure enough: a red fish.
I couldn't stop laughing. Either Chubasco completely changed colors (which I hadn't heard of in beta fish before), or he died and Renee replaced him for me. Renee, if you're reading this, I very much appreciate that you replaced my fish. :) I just think it's absolutely hilarious that you found one that looked not at all like the original.
So this new fish, what shall we do with you...well, the blue fish (which we have yet to name) is going to become our cottage pet at the Conference Grounds this summer. I really wanted to get some sort of pet for the cottage last year, but it never happened, so this is kind of my dream come true. With any luck, it may even become the official Grounds mascot. Besides Elmer the toy duck who has wheels for feet and Darla the frighteningly life-like 3 foot doll.

So, murder mystery: more or less solved. Unless further evidence surfaces or a witness steps forward. But no pasa nada, this blue fish is really cute. :)

Things I Have Learned From Watching Friends

1. Boys jump around and hug just as much as girls do. They also take naps together. They even kiss each other from time to time.
2. There will always be on ex that you can't get out of your life. Even moving to Yemen won't help.
3. Don't marry a gay ice dancer just to get him a green card. He will inevitably return to your life and confess his heterosexuality.
4. Nothing is too outrageous for a soap opera plot - falling to one's death in an elevator shaft, being the father to only one child in a set of twins, a brain transplant...the possibilities are endless.
5. All you have to do to get over a man is make a billion jars of jam.
6. Men and women understand different things by the phrase "We are on a break." In fact, most women do not recognize it as an excuse at all. You're better off apologizing.
7. Any lock can be picked with the wire out of a woman's underwire bra.
8. What happens at the beach stays at the beach. Until you act weird and everyone finds out what happened.
9. Always double-check to make sure that what you are throwing on the fire is a log, not a leg.
10. Chandler Bing's job title...transponster?
11. Telling people that you are having your brother's triplets will never get old.
12. Dressing up in wedding dresses and drinking beer on the couch is the best way to cheer someone up.
13. If two of your friends are disappearing together for long periods of time, it is NOT because they are doing laundry.
14. It is very easy to find work in Las Vegas when you find out the movie you were supposed to star in has been canceled.
15. If you want to give someone a large sum of money without them realizing it, all you have to do is invent a card game, give it the name of a mundane object, and make up the rules as you go. Just make sure that the other person doesn't play it with someone else and lose all the money you just gave them.
16. Do not, under any circumstances, leave teeth whitening gel on for a single minute longer than prescribed.
17. You can get back at your twin sister for appearing in porno movies under your name by telling the production office that you have moved so that all of her checks are sent to you instead.
18. What happens in London stays in London. Until you start kissing everyone, leaving your underwear in other peoples' apartments, and doing tons of laundry every day and everyone finds out what happened.
19. Unagi is a type of sushi. That's it.
20. A wedding musket is just as good as an engagement ring.
21. Silent Auction ≠ Estimation Contest.
22. Cheesecake should never be wasted. Even if you dropped an entire cheesecake on the floor, you can still eat it. Seriously. No pasa nada.
23. A toy boat can instantly make a bubble bath more masculine.
24. Freddy Prinze, Jr. makes one heck of a nanny.
25. "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mixalot is 100% appropriate to sing to your baby when you want her to laugh.
26. Uncle Jesse (John Stamos) makes one heck of a sperm donor.
27. Humidity ruins lives. And hair. And Ping-Pong matches.
28. No one counts the seconds with Mississippi anymore, most especially the people that operate spray tanning parlors.
29. Danny DeVito makes two hecks of a stripper.
30. Getting married in the streets of New York City after a blizzard will turn out to be even more romantic than all of the plans you already made.
31. You can change your name to LITERALLY ANYTHING. Princess Consuela Bananahammock? Crap Bag? Be creative!
32. True love will always find its way.

Insomniac

I can tell as soon as I lay my head down on my pillow whether or not I will be falling asleep quickly or not. And it has nothing to do with how tired I feel, nor how late it is.
Take tonight for instance.
It's a quarter after one (I'm all alone and I need you now - Need You Now, Lady Antebellum), both my mind and my body are tired, but I can't sleep. I think it's a combination of preparing for exams next week, worrying my brains out about the OPI next week, and being completely impatient to get back home.
It gets easier and I can forget my impatience from time to time, now that the end is in sight and I can count the days left on my fingers (and a few toes). Tomorrow we forget the toes. They keep telling us to soak up every minute here, every sight, every feeling. But I just can't get my mind off of leaving and getting back to the Grounds. I miss camp a lot and I can't wait to get back.

So here's what I'm going to do: I'm not going to worry about it. I am going to enjoy Spain as much as I can while I wade through exams and that dreaded OPI. I am going to try to be patient. And I am going to cherish every minute that I have left with my classmates. They've meant the world to me this semester.

Okay little girl, time for you to go to bed. Sleep well. Keep calm and carry on.

Top 8: Things I'll Miss vs. Things I'll Not Miss

Things I will miss about Spain:
1. Siesta. 2 hours of free time every day, even if you don't want to sleep? Yeah, I'll take it.
2. Cafe con leche. Best drink ever, and it's soooo cheap here! None of this $4.50 for coffee, like in the States.
3. Seeing all the other Spain students every day. I've become really good friends with them and it really is like becoming part of a family.
4. Traveling is soooo easy here. Well, getting to and from an airport isn't always so easy (cough VALENCIA), but getting to other countries is cheap and relative easy, compared to the US. For example, my two weekends in Paris and Rome (airfare, hostel, food, entrance fees, all of it) cost me 500 euros total (about $715). You can't even get a one-way ticket to this continent from the US for that amount.
5. All classes done before lunch. Even if lunch is at 2:00, it's nice to not have to go back afterward.
6. Studying on the beach. Especially when we get sick of studying and decide to play volleyball instead.
7. Snow-less winters (at least along the coast). Don't be surprised if I become a snowbird when I am old. I've already come to terms with it and accepted it.
8. llao llao frozen yogurt. So cheap, and you get so much. Sorry Oviedo kids, they currently don't have any llao llaos in your neck of the woods. :(

Things I will most definitely NOT miss about Spain:
1. The people here have a tendency to walk in the middle of the sidewalk. If someone is coming at them in the opposite direction, they move a quarter of an inch to the right to "let them pass" and then they go back to the middle. For the thousands of times that I have been the person coming from the opposite direction, I can say with confidence that they do not actually move. I am forever having to skirt people on the sidewalk so that I don't bump into them. And don't even think about trying to pass anyone on the sidewalk. A slow-walking Spanish woman can take up the ENTIRE sidewalk. And these sidewalks are not wide. For some reason, the city planners have decided to plant trees in the sidewalk, thereby reducing the surface area of the sidewalk further.  Bottom line: there is NO "stay to the right" policy in Europe. Everyone walks WHEREVER they want.
2. Thin walls. I can make out entire conversations from the apartment next door. And my bedroom does not even share a wall with them.
3. When you go out to a cafe with a group of people, the final bill comes all together. They don't separate it. It's not too big a deal if you're going out for coffee or ice cream or something, especially if everyone brought more or less exact change. BUT if you've gone out for dinner with 25 people, splitting a 200 euro bill is a pain, especially because they rarely itemize it. So everyone has to return to the menu, figure out what they owe, make sure that everyone pays what the owe, etc. Spanish people usually end up just splitting the bill equally, but what if someone got a 15 euro meal and someone else got something for 4? How is that fair? They just don't care here. Separate checks are realllllly nice.
4. DOG POOP EVERYWHERE. It's not illegal to just let your dog poop in the middle of the sidewalk, at least in Denia. Thankfully, other cities are cleaner, and it's just nice to not have to constantly watch where you're walking.
5. 36c/min outgoing calls made from our cell phones. And don't even think about texting. I miss my phone at home, with unlimited calling and texting for $16/month.
6. Having to see my friends and family through a computer screen because I don't have the option to see them face-to-face. Sometimes you just need to see people face-to-face.
7. Topless beaches. Is that really necessary? Who are you going to show those tanned boobs to, anyway? The only circumstances under which I would EVER sunbathe topless are in the event that I was alone or with very very VERY good friends. Oh, and if Antarctica completely melted into a giant puddle.
8. The superstition surrounding health. For example: leaving the house with wet hair (or actually, doing ANYTHING with wet hair) will result in you immediately falling ill with all manner of ailments. Tara's host parents are so concerned about this that they once put a bowl on her recently-showered head before they would allow her to go out onto the terrace to see the Fallas celebrations.

Return to the Motherland! (nope, not the Netherlands!)

I've decided to do a little bit of retroactive updating from this semester. It will give me a chance to look through all my photos, job my memory...and put off studying for exams. :)

I'm going to start with my favorite trip of the semester, ROME. Jana, Rachel, and I went to Italy for the long weekend of March 24, 25, 26, and 27. Started out with catching the bus out of Denia to Valencia, the metro from the bus station to the airport, and a flight out of Valencia around 9pm. I continue to have mixed feelings about Ryanair, the airline that doesn't assign seats and charges 3 euro ($4.50) for a half-liter bottle of water. But we were happy to be there anyway.

Flight arrived to Ciampino airport (half hour outside of Rome) around 11:30, we caught a bus to the main station in Rome, and then wandered for about 20 minutes before finding our hostel. Finally, at 1am, we fell into bed fast asleep.
Next day: up bright and early to head out to Vatican City. The place was absolutely JAMMED with people, including several groups of teenage boys passing around a joint. Is marijuana not illegal here or something? I saw people smoking it in every major city we went to in Spain, France, and Italy. Welcome to Europe.
After a couple of hours, we made it in to see the Sistine Chapel, some old artwork, and St. Peter's Basilica.

What follows next is the best type food I've ever tasted: gelato. I absolutely cannot do it justice, it is that good. It's like ice cream, but lighter. Maybe a cross between ice cream sherbet. The best flavors to get are fruit flavors (strawberry was my favorite), but Jana discovered that Tira Misu was pretty darn good too. After our first rendezvous Signor Gelato, we went to Castel Sant'Angelo (which is a mausoleum) and the Spanish Steps. We figured we had to stop there because we were on the Semester in Spain, after all.
Back to the hotel for a quick sleep, and we headed back out to find a place for dinner. We found this realllllly cute little cafe with outdoor seating and reasonable prices. After stuffing ourselves with delicious pizza, lasagna, and tortellini, we returned to the hostel for a little party...

a TOGA PARTY, that is!! haha. We were a little out of control. We fashioned togas out of the extra sheets, collected leaves on the way home for our hair, and snapped several pictures. We may or may not have jumped on the bed a bit too.
Next day: the Colosseum! I was very excited to see this because it's such a global icon. I'm normally not a history/architecture person, but it was so cool to be in a place that was built a couple of thousand years ago. Plus, it's HUUUUGE! Guests can be on the first and second levels, and it's equally impressive from both points of view. I absolutely loved it. I feel like it's one of the iconic symbols of Italy.
      
After we had had our fill of the Colosseum, we went next door to the Roman Forum, which is an extensive collection of gardens, statues, and old buildings from the time of the Roman Empire. We took advantage of the sun and warm air and did a bit of napping on the lawn. We wandered around a bit, smelled the flowers, and took lots of pictures. Rachel was absolutely in her element with all the historic buildings and old things made out of stone, and we indulged her a bit. :)
  
Next, we caught the metro out to Trevi Fountain and the Pantheon. This was where Jana was in her element and she was beyond excited to throw her coin into the fountain to assure her return to Rome. The place was packed, but we muscled our way to the edge of the water in order to toss our coins. We even managed to get a good photo of us there, thanks to Rachel's insanely long arms.

By this point, we were pretty tired after two full days of sight-seeing (the nap in the Forum helped, but only a little) and we decided that a sleep in the hostel was in order. We went to the same cafe for dinner again because we loved the food so much and because our waiter was such a gentleman. His English was pretty good and we talked to him for a bit as we ate some more delicious food. After a trip for some gelato, we headed back to our hostel to go to bed because we had an early flight.
Next day, 3:45am: We wake up (ish), grab our bags, stagger out to the street, and trudge to the bus station to catch the bus to the airport. 3:45am really is an ungodly hour, especially on the day that all the clocks move ahead one hour.

Got to the airport, made it through security and passport/visa check with no trouble, waited a bit, boarded our flight, and made it back to Spain safe and sound. Up until this point, we had made every flight, bus, train, etc. with no difficulty. But when we arrived at the Valencia airport, we found that we had only an hour until the bus to Denia left. No problem, right? The metro goes right from the airport to the bus station! WRONG. The train sat at the airport for about 20 minutes before leaving again, we just missed the train we had to transfer to in order to get to the bus station, and when we finally got above ground with 5 minutes to spare, Rachel booked it to the station to beg the officials to sell us tickets and hold the bus for us.

But no such luck.

Jana and I arrived shortly after she did, and found her arguing heatedly with the man in the ticket booth who told her that the bus left 5 minutes before she got there. Now, we had dealt with transportation being behind schedule (and many other things behind schedule, for that matter) because that's how things are done in Spain. Absolute punctuality is not super important. But we had never in our lives experienced transportation that left AHEAD of schedule. We had to wait in the station for two hours for the next bus and we eventually made it back to Denia safely, but we were not exactly happy campers. :)

Except for the bus hiccup at the end, the trip was absolutely fantastic. I especially enjoyed being in Rome because my ancestors came from Italy and plus, it's GORGEOUS! Wayyyyy prettier than Paris. Here's how the trip breaks down by the numbers:
52: Hours spent in the city of Rome
6: Times that speaking Spanish got us farther than English
551: Steps to the top of St. Peter's Basilica
136: Spanish Steps
26: Emergency sirens heard in those 56 hours (even more than Madrid)
36: Ounces of gelato consumed
1: Number of times that Jana got the big key in the door the right way on the first try. :)

Living with Lions

(This is taken from my Facebook and is a good summary of my time in Spain)

I have a feeling that Daniel and I would have gotten along pretty well.

Daniel was probably in his teenage years, early twenties at the most, when he was made to move to Babylon. The King of Babylon decided that Daniel should be trained in his palace and he was forced to leave behind his parents, his friends, his hometown, everything that was comfortable and known. He was chosen along with three other guys, but I’m sure he still felt very much alone.

The 24 of us that left our hometowns and everything known have been in a similar situation. Of course, we were not uprooted by the King of Babylon, and some would say that we knew what we were getting ourselves into, but we still know how it feels. To leave everything behind: parents, brothers, sisters, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, families, teams, jobs, activities, school…everything we once knew. Leaving it all for a new country, a new family, a new school, a new culture, a new language, and a new way of life. We’ve attended the orientation, we’ve read the literature, we’ve been studying Spanish for years, we’ve done whatever we could think of in order to prepare…but nothing really prepares you for going abroad.

I remember sitting in the airport in Chicago with my sketchbook open on my lap, writing, ”This is it. I can’t turn back. We’re past security, our passports and visas have been checked and stamped, there is no turning back. It doesn’t feel real yet, though.” We boarded our plane, stashed our bags, and took our seats. The flight attendants demonstrated the proper safety procedures and walked up and down the aisles asking everyone to put their tray tables up and to ensure that their seats were in the upright position. The plane began to taxi toward the runway, and the pilot asked over the loudspeaker that we turn off all electronic devices in preparation for takeoff. Cameras, iPods, laptops, video games….and cell phones. That is where it became real. Turning off our cell phones meant the end of our connection with the United States and everything we knew.

I am convinced that nothing can really prepare a person for living and studying abroad. You can read up on the culture, practice the language, and speak with others who have gone abroad, but nothing will prepare you for the feeling of being alone. That first night living with your host family? One of the most awful nights of my life. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into and I wanted to hop a plane back to the States immediately.

Not to worry, the experience has improved since that first night. Some days are worse than others, but that is to be expected. I am of the opinion that the group of people that you go abroad with will make or break the experience. In our case, the group has made it. I feel that we have become a family. We look out for each other and take care of each other. We have to. We are all we have.

I sure hope that Daniel and the three other guys were able to bond as much as we have. Being away from home is by no means easy, but having a support system to lean on when things get tough makes it easier. They make the time go faster.

Sometimes, being here in Spain has felt kind of like being in a lion’s den. Except instead of being trapped with literal lions, like Daniel was, we are trapped with our own emotions. It’s funny how when you feel like you’re alone, the situation gets exponentially worse. I don’t speak for everyone here. Some have been having the time of their lives; others have more lions in their den than they can count.

It’s an interesting thing, this lion’s den. We were thrown in, but we are by no means trapped, as Daniel was. I have stood at the door of my den many times, planning to leave it and go back home. God kept me here, though, and often worked overtime to do so. In the same way that He had a plan for Daniel in the literal den of lions, He has a plan for each of us here in Spain. And while He works on carrying out His plan, he has shut the mouths of our lions: fear, loneliness, frustration, exhaustion, anxiety, depression, sadness…you name the emotion, and one of us has probably experienced it here. But “experienced” is the key word: we have felt it, but we have not been overcome by it. The literal lions probably had every intention of devouring Daniel. That was, after all, their job. But God shut their mouths and kept Daniel safe.

And He has promised the same thing to us. “Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you.” Never will I let your lions overcome you.

Studying abroad is 2% schoolwork and 98% teamwork. We went from 24 students from 24 backgrounds, to classmates, to friends, to a family. We look out for each other, we support each other, we care for each other, we throw each other into the Mediterranean Sea, we encourage each other, and we pray for each other.

The team is what kept me here these past 108 days. Whenever I would look out of my lion’s den, I would think, I actually could leave. I could really leave, right now, nothing is keeping me here. But that wasn’t true. The team was keeping me here. I didn’t want to give up on them; they had not given up on me. God always gave me the strength to turn back to the den and face the lions, and I am convinced that He will continue to lend me His strength.

To all of my Spain classmates: You are all awesome. I wasn’t so sure about some of you at the beginning, but I have come to love all of you. Even if we aren’t the closest of friends here, I honestly cannot imagine the semester without you. We have made it through 108 days, and we will make it through 26 more. We’re doing it.

To my girls: Thanks for keeping me here. Thank you for your encouragement, prayers, well-timed hugs, and laughs. Thank you for sitting in the lion’s den with me. I hope that I have been at least half the blessing to you as you have been to me.

“I always thank my God when I remember you in my prayers.” -Philemon 4

Inspiration

Hebrews 11:16 might seem like a pretty obscure verse, but it's one of my favorites:

"Instead, they were longing for a better country, a heavenly one. Therefore, God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a place for them."

I wait for Heaven every day, some days more than others. Especially being here in Spain. And yes, I know I should have started a blog about 4 months ago when I got here. But that's not what this is about. There have been many many days where I have wanted to go home. Grand Rapids home. And there have been several days, especially as summer draws nearer, that I have wanted to go Grand Haven home. Others days, it's been a Calvin home kind of day.

And then there are the days where I want to go Home. Capital H.

Those are the hard days, no matter what city I'm in. Those days where your heart feels so heavy from carrying around all of your burdens and worries. Those days where you want to just give in and give up. Those days where you feel off-balance and out of of place. That's when I want to go Home.

Some day, we won't have to wait for our heavenly country. We may be out of place, but we are right where we are supposed to be.