Top 8: Things I Have Witnessed Today

1. Children throwing tantrums. Times about one billion.
2. Two 4-year-olds holding hands and swinging them back and forth.
3. Same two 4-year-olds walking down the aisle in the auditorium to craft time during Bible School.
4. Distracted child on bike plowing into tyke on tricycle. General mayhem and tears.
5. Two humongous bees going at it in the janky sideyard.
6. At least fourteen people trooping up to the beach with all their stuff packed sky-high onto one tiny wagon.
7. Child dropping entire blue (the flavor that makes the most resilient stain) sno-cone on the floor of the store. Twice.
8. "Jamie" Eugene Los in a frilly yellow party dress, pink boa, and blond wig.

Save a Place for Me

Jessica and I did a duet tonight in church (she on piano, I on guitar) and we sang this song. I'll just let the lyrics do the speaking tonight.

Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again

You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I have asked the questions why
But I guess the answers for another time
So instead I pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I wanna live my life Just like you did
Make the most of my time Just like you did
And I want to make my home up in the sky Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there...
Until I get there, you just

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I'll be there soon...

I'll be there soon. 

"And the breastplate of righteousness in place..."

Any guesses on what our item of spiritual armor is this week in Bible School? :)

This week, our kids had a bit of trouble understanding what righteousness actually is (it didn't help that they were CRAZYTOWN and all over the place) so toward the end of the week, we focused more on the fact that God gives us a metaphorical breastplate in order to protect us. We talked about how God protects us spiritually earlier in the week and how He helps us to do the right thing and be an example to other people earlier in the week. Today, we talked about how God protects our hearts from the things that scare us or things that we are having a hard time with. 

Kids carry around more burdens than what we give them credit for, I think. They seem so carefree and innocent, but they have things that weigh on their minds too. It's harder for them, though, because they don't always understand that these bad things are no one's fault (most of the time). They take so much responsibility onto themselves and along with it, blame.

This is a conversation I had with a 4th grader in my class last year. His parents were splitting up and his dad wasn't even trying to get custody of him and his brother.

Me: "Cameron, what's wrong?"

Cameron: "My mom just told me that she and my dad aren't going to married anymore and that he's moving far away."

Me: "Aw Cameron, that's really sad. Did your mom tell you where your dad is moving to? You'll still get to see him, right?"

Cameron: "No. He's moving away because he doesn't love me or Jackson anymore."

Me: "I'm sure that's not true. Is that what he said to you?"

Cameron: "No, but why else would he want to move away?"

While we were planning today's lesson, I was struck by a God-bolt of inspiration. We cut out two vaguely breastplate-shaped pieces of poster board, split our class into girls and boys, and then we handed out post-it notes and markers to each person. We asked them to write down something that scares them, or that they are  having a hard time with, or something they're anxious about, or something that their family is worried about right now. 

"I'm afraid my grandma might die soon."

"My dad lost his job this year."

"My uncle lives in Texas."

"I have to move to a new school."

"My grandpa had back surgery."

"My teacher won't be at my school next year."

"My family went to the house across the street without me." (We couldn't figure out exactly what this one meant. It could be that they went to visit the people across the street, but it's also possible that the family split up or had to get foster care involved).

Then, we had each kid put their post-it on the breastplate. I told my girls that even though all of these things seem really big and really scary right now while they're happening, God has always and will always bring them  through safely to the other side of the situation. I wrote "God protects me and loves me" in big letters over all the post-its on the breastplate to show that no matter what happens, God's breastplate of righteousness will always protect our hearts and that He is always looking out for us. 

At the beginning of the summer, I was seriously considering switching to the 4s-5s-Kindergartners class, just for a change of pace. I've done 3rd-4th for the last two summers and I thought it would be interesting to work with the little kids that we get.

I'm really glad I didn't switch. :)

I'm Reminded of You Every Time

Every time I serve someone a Cookie Dough single in a bowl, I'm reminded of you.
Every time someone comments on how there's nothing on my hamburger or sandwich, I'm reminded of you.
Every time I drive past Peppino's in Allendale, I'm reminded of you.
Every time anyone mentions the Count of Monte Cristo, I'm reminded of you.
Every time I eat something on a bun, I'm reminded of you.
Every time I'm on 48th Avenue between Lake Michigan Drive and Fillmore, I'm reminded of you.
Every time I do motions for "I've got joy like a fountain," I'm reminded of you.
Every time I play with my Rubik's Cube, I'm reminded of you.
Every time I eat any type of apple dessert, I'm reminded of you.
Every time we reminisce about and make plans for the Bible School staff devotions, I think about how George wore his name tag for the whole rest of the day and because you told me about it first and said I should come to the pool to see it, I'm reminded of you.
Every time I come across M*A*S*H while channel-surfing, I'm reminded of you.
Every time I go to the Musical Fountain in Grand Haven, I'm reminded of you.
Every time I walk to the end of the Grand Haven pier, especially at sunset, I'm reminded of you.
Every time I see a burgundy Saturn that looks even remotely like yours, I'm reminded of you.
Every time I spend time with the Kostens, especially Colin, I'm reminded of you.

And every time I'm reminded of you, I wonder when the next reminder will find me.

You Will Find Rest For Your Souls

(I realize that this is a repeat from Facebook, but I posted it 15 months ago, so hopefully it's not too fresh in your minds if you recognize it. I was having trouble sleeping and Someone was nudging me about this).

Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest…You will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:28, 29)

Every day we find ourselves laden with burdens of many kinds. Bad news from a friend, conflict at work, a failed test, death of a loved one, troubled relationships, isolation, depression…all kinds. We carry these things around on our minds and our hearts all day because we don’t want anyone to know our struggles. We don’t want anyone to see past the perfect veneer we’ve put up. Even though we know in our minds that no one is perfect, we’re afraid to show our imperfections.

There’s one person who can always see past the masks we wear. That person is our Father, who wants to make us perfect again. He sees the burdens we carry, the struggles we have, the tears we shed. He knows all about it. He carried the same burdens. In fact, he carried the burdens of every single person on the face of the earth. He knows our pain intimately. It breaks his heart to see our tears and know that we are trying to carry our baggage by ourselves.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest…You will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:28, 29)

Come to me,
Give me your sadness,
Give me your pain,
Give me your tears,
Give me your heartache,
Give me your worries,
Give me your fears,
Give me your shame,
Give me your doubt,
Give me your anger,
Give me your stress,
Give me your imperfection,
Give me your troubles,
Give me your everything,
And I will give you rest.

He wants to take it all. Lift up your burdens to our God who can handle them. Raise your arms, heavy-laden, above your head and say, “God, I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t carry these by myself, I need your help, I don’t want to feel this pain anymore.” And He’ll do it. Trust Him with it, He won’t drop it on your head. He’ll take everything you have, all your pain and trouble, everything, because He carried all those burdens to the cross for us.

And there’s nothing we have to do or even can do to receive this blessing. God gives it to us, free of charge, because he loves us so much. We weren’t meant to carry burdens like this. We weren’t meant to feel pain like this. We were meant to live in complete harmony with each other. Since that’s out of the question now, God gives us the opportunity to receive that harmony again. He wants with all His heart for us to come to Him with our troubles and lay them at His feet. He wants nothing to stand in the way of our relationship with him. It’s like we’re standing in a room with God, but there are boxes stacked floor-to-ceiling creating a wall between us and Him. We can’t see Him or hear Him, and that puts a stress on our relationship with Him. But as soon as we ask, He begins to remove the boxes, and we can see his face again. He makes a path for us between the boxes and reaches out to us. To fold us in and wrap his arms around us.

All we have to do is ask.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest…You will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:28, 29)

Imagine that God is sitting in a big ole comfy armchair. He calls you over with his hands held out, waiting for you to climb up into his lap. In our times of darkest and deepest needs, He’s there to hold us safe. In those times when it feels like the rain will never stop, He’s there to cover us with the umbrella of His love. In those times when we feel as though we are nothing, He’s there to whisper in our ear, over and over, You are everything. You are everything. YOU are EVERYTHING. In those times when we feel like it’s not worth it anymore, when our eyes are so clouded by the pain of this world, He’s there to hold our head against His chest and catch our tears as they fall. In those times, He whispers to us, You are everything. You are worth it. You are mine. I love you.

Lift up your burdens. Nothing is too heavy, or too shameful, or too hard, or too impossible for our great God to carry. Every day, let go of what you carry. Every day, claim the love and blessing God has for you. Every day, take your Daddy’s hand and walk with Him. And you will find rest for your soul.

For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)

A Prayer For You

Hi,
I was sitting behind you in church tonight and may I just say, your hair looked fantastic. The pastor invited us to greet those around us, and when you turned around, I saw that you were pregnant. It was a bit of a surprise because you certainly don't look pregnant from the back. Anyway, I want you to know that I'm praying for you. I don't know your name, I've met your boyfriend only once or twice, and I worked with his sister for a summer. Maybe this will find its way to you somehow.
I pray that God will draw especially close to you in the next months and years. I'm sure this isn't the future that you had in mind, but I know that God will show you where He wants you to be and He will walk beside you every day. I pray for bravery, for courage, for endurance, for patience, and for peace. I pray that God will keep you healthy and strong so that your baby will grow healthy and strong. I pray that you would feel His love and that He would lend you His strength when you face people who are not supportive. You are beautiful and strong. Don't let ANYONE try to convince you otherwise.

Please, if you are reading this right now, join me and pray for this girl, her family, and her boyfriend. Less judgment, more compassion. Sound like a plan?

Good.

Valió la Pena

Today marks one month of being back in the States and I could not be happier about it. I feel like I've been here for so much longer than a month, but it's been exactly 30 days. I'm finding it hard to believe. Spain seems like a very distant memory to me, and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Sort of as if it were a really long vacation. I was there for 134 days, but it took less than a quarter of that space of time to forget most of it. That's can't be good, right? It makes me feel a little guilty, almost, like I should have paid more attention and tried to soak more of it in while I was there. While in Spain, I had to tell myself that I was doing my best and that I had to be okay with that. I'm doing the same thing now. I did what I could and I'm okay with it.

Usually, I get the question, "How was it?" Yesterday, a someone asked me, "Was it worth it?" My initial reaction was to say "no" because the first thing I thought of was being frustrated and lonely. Thank goodness I said "yes" so that I wouldn't have to tell him about that. I just said "yes" and smiled and provided an explanation involving how great it was to travel, how much my Spanish improved, etc. He got his ice cream, we said good bye, and that was that.

I've been thinking more and more about it, calculating the pros and cons in my head. I'm happy to say that the  pros have won, posting a win for the "worth it" side. Here are a few of the less obvious reasons:
 - A boy who turned out to be the son of two missionaries in Nicaragua came into the store yesterday and I was able to talk with him in Spanish for several minutes. He thought it was so cool that I knew Spanish. I thought it was so cool that I REMEMBERED Spanish.
 - I have a greater appreciation for the differences in the racial/ethnic labels we use. I know many people that use "Mexican" or "Spanish" as a blanket term to refer to anyone that speaks Spanish or is Hispanic. Let's clarify: Spanish is an adjective used to describe people or things that come from Spain. Mexicans are people that live in or come from Mexico. There are 16 other Spanish-speaking countries in Central and South America, and "Mexican" does not to refer to any of the people that live in those countries. If you must use a blanket term, use "hispanoamerican" or "latinoamerican."
 - People smile and sometimes even say "hi" when you pass them in the street here. I never appreciated until last semester, where people stare you up and down instead of smiling at you.
 - I can actually participate in conversations centering on Spanish soccer. And by "participate," I really mean "pretend to be mildly interested and insert a few "Viva Barça"s in from time to time." But at least I know what they're talking about and that Real Madrid is composed of fruitcakes.

In short, yes, sir, it was worth it. Thank you for asking. :)

A Small Landmark and a Three-Word Sentence Story

First things first: As of 9:39pm EST, this blog reached 1,000 pageviews. I want to thank everyone that reads this blog, whether it be every time I post or just from time to time. It means a lot to me and I appreciate every single one of you. Now get this: I have had readers from the United States (of course), Spain (especially while I was there), the Netherlands, Germany, Russia, Costa Rica, Denmark, United Kingdom, India, and Italy. How cool is that? I think sometimes its just a stray search engine return that provides me with readers from such faraway countries, but it's an interesting testament to how the Internet connects the whole world.

Now, on to the Three-Word Sentence Story. My friends and I would do this whenever we were bored and wanted to make our day seem more interesting. So here goes.

Andrea wakes up.
Sings with alarm.
It's Friday, Friday,
Gotta get down.
Must leave bed.
Stumbles to bathroom.
Blinks and blinks.
Alyssa says "Morning."
Andrea just nods.
Returns to bedroom.
Puts on clothes.
Lindsey says "Morning."
Speech still eludes.
Jessica hums "Friday."
Curses alarm selection.
Andrea is ready.
Puts on shoes.
Walks to breakfast.
Search for coffee.
Must have coffee.
Andrea finds mug.
Machine no work.
Andrea is devastated.
Settles for juice.
(Skip to BibleSchool).
Greets her class.
Kids complaining lots.
"Andrea, too hot!
Let us inside!"
Time to start.
High-five everyone.
3's not shy.
Usually they are.
Next come 4s-5s-Kindergartners.
All shout loudly.
Have much energy.
1st-2nd need supervision.
But they're fun.
3rd-4th are last.
They slap hard.
Often my arms.
Not my hands.
Ow ow ow.
Start with singing.
Everybody get wild!!
Motions are crazy.
Kids are crazy.
All have fun.
Bible Lesson: Furnace.
Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego.
Craft time after.
Leave for store.
Andrea is Boss.
Mrs. L gone.
Mwa ha ha.
Work not remarkable.
Lunch after work.
Eat leftover wings.
Sun-bathe outside.
Love Sun Ghetto.
Tie-dye time.
New shirt made.
It is pink.
On to pizzas.
Helped train Lynn.
Has many accents.
Pizza ingredients everywhere.
Bring pizzas out.
Riley almost faints.
Hopped on Vicodin.
"Drink more water!"
Dinner with housemates.
Cleaned house reward?
Pizza on Mike.
Learned something interesting.
Lindsey dances "Bernie."
And quite well.
Finish day's work.
Change my clothes.
Encounter the VanNoords.
Chat with Jen.
Throw with Isaiah.
Save baby bird.
Football throwing competition.
Soccerball kicking competition.
Wind sprint competition.
Everything is competition.
Time for basketball.
Go to YC.
Practice shooting hoops.
Ball hits Isaiah.
But he laughs.
Almost hits wall.
Laughs even more.
Silly silly boy.
Back to soccer.
Andrea practices goalie.
Blaze takes shots.
Isaiah wants in.
Fight over ball.
Fancy footwork fight.
Exhausted after hour.
Dribbling is hard.
Least for me.
All drink water.
Andrea spills water.
Shirt now wet.
Put sandals on.
Might take hours.
They're quite strappy.
Time for bed.
Return to cottage.
Boys greatly worried.
Concerned for bird.
"Bird can survive,"
says Mom Jen.
Answer somewhat satisfies.
Return to Amistad.
Almost bed time.
Blog update first.
Ice cream second.
Shower is third.
Then to bed.
Cottage Cleaning tomorrow.
No no no.
But bright side:
SPECIAL NEEDS WEEK!!
Good night everyone.
:)

Fear Not.

"For I am the Lord your God, who holds your hand, and says to you today, 'Do not fear. I will help you.'"

After tons of singing, crazy motions, crazier kids, and some ill-fated Armor of God Bunko, our kids sat down to make their craft: a beaded bracelet that says Fear Not on it. It's always interesting to watch kids with beads, especially when they have letters on them. Bracelets end up with backward and upside down letters, spelled wrong, it's fantastic. A couple of us teachers snuck some beads and string to make our own bracelets and I've been kind of reflecting on mine today.

I lived with a lot of fear in Spain. I know they say "you don't have to be afraid, God will handle everything and He'll take care of you." I had to say that to myself a lot last semester, but the fear kept creeping up on me even though I knew these things. Some days, it would be just a little thought in the back of my head; other days, it was almost paralyzing. I was afraid of speaking Spanish incorrectly, of looking like a foolish American, of misrepresenting my culture or offending their culture, of being harassed on the street (especially at night), of getting lost and not being able to find my way back, of disappointing and/or upsetting my host family, of struggling in my classes, of not passing the OPI, of not making friends, of traveling, of not being good enough, of appearing weak...

Yeah. It was a lot of fear.

I came to realize that God doesn't take away fear. He does, however, show you how to live through and overcome your fear. Fear is something that doesn't come from Him. Fear is definitely Satan's tool and it's one that He can just plant and it will do its thing. God showed me that what I was afraid of was almost always situations. All I had to do was create a plan for the situation in order to live through the fear I had of the situation. For example, if I was feeling particularly anxious about walking home some night, I could always ask someone who lived near me to walk with me so that I didn't have to walk alone. Or struggling in class. I kind of learned this one the hard way: I did end up struggling in class and I wasn't used to that. During the week of midterms, I had two final exams for 7-week classes on the same day and studying the night before was a real challenge. I received a C on one and failed the other. Guess who's not used to failing things. Anyway, I had to seek help at that point in order to not fail the entire class. Unlike at Calvin, the total class grade is based on the midterm (which took place 4 weeks before and on which I got an 85%) and the final exam (which I had failed). If you do the math, that is an incredibly low final grade. The directora and I worked out a plan that involved some tutoring and a head-on confrontation of my fear of failing. Everything turned out okay, and I'm much less afraid to fail things now.

Fear will break you down if you allow it to. It starts in your head and works its way into your heart and the further it embeds itself, the harder it is to get it out. It's kind of like when you were a kid and you got a splinter. I always tried to pick my splinters out with just my fingernails, but I only ever succeeded in getting it stuck in further and making my skin all red and puffy. My dad always had to go at it with a tweezers to get it out. I think it's the same way with fear. You can try anything you want to try and pull that fear out of your heart, but Satan will always make sure that it stays there, buried deeper than ever. I had to ask God to help me live through the fear as He worked on teaching me how to overcome it. It took some patience, which is not always something I have, but I survived. God's power prevails once again. Take that, Satan.

Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident. (Psalm 27:3)
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. (Isaiah 43:1b)
You came near when I called you, and you said, “Do not fear.” (Lamentations 3:57)

FEAR NOT. 

Truth

Today was the first day of Bible School. Let's just say....it was crazy. We had over a 100 kids, which threw us all off guard because there are only 35 campsites registered (plus all the cottages). That's an average of 2 kids per site/cottage! And not all the families camping have kids!

Anyway, our topic for this week is the Belt of Truth and we used an actual pair of pants and a belt as an object lesson. Cutie Delanie wore the pants, which actually used to belong to Taylor Bouman, and if you know Taylor, you know that he is 6'11''. Now imagine his pants on 8-year-old Delanie. We had the kids shout out lies that they had told or that other people had told them, and we wrote them on the pants. Every time we wrote a lie, we would tug on the pants to show that the lies weigh us down. Then we put the kids into groups and had them look up a Bible verse and read it to the group. When they read a verse, we would cross out a lie until all the lies were crossed out on the pants. The whole point was that God's word, the Bible, is the ultimate truth and that's the only thing we need to look to in order to find our worth and importance as Christians.

As the kids shouted out their lies, we tried to steer them away from the "My brother broke it, not me!" and the "I didn't do it!" lies, and more towards the internal lies, such as "You're not important" or "Nobody cares about you." They kind of got the point, but I don't think it really sank in too much because they're kids that just finished 2nd and 3rd grade. It kind of got me thinking about the lies we tell we ourselves and each other, especially beginning around middle school and high school, and even on into adulthood.

Why do we do that? Especially us girls! We tell ourselves that we're ugly, that others are more pretty than we are, that boys will only like us if we behave a certain way, that we need the approval of others in order to be worth anything, that we need to control what we look like or in order to fit an impossible standard, that we aren't smart enough, that we aren't physically and emotionally strong, that asking for help is weak, that our thoughts and opinions aren't as valuable as someone else's, that certain emotions and feelings aren't okay, that we are alone and always will be...the list could go on from here to eternity.

Why do we believe these lies? Most of the time, we know they are lies, but we let them cling to us. They weigh on our hearts, they wear us down, and they ruin our ability to believe in ourselves. Why are we so willing to let ourselves listen to our enemies and not to the people love us?

Our kids discovered 4 truths in their Bibles this morning: John 3:16, Luke 12:7, Ephesians 4:29, and Matthew 28:20b.

 - For God so loved the world that He sent His one and ONLY Son...He must have thought pretty highly of us to think that we were worth saving. He wants to spend eternity with us.

 - Even the hairs of your head are all numbered; not even one can fall without God knowing about it. Think about how closely He must be paying attention to you and taking care of you.

 - Let only words that are helpful for building others up come out of your mouth. Don't perpetuate the lies that others tell you. (this one was huge for our kids because they mentioned a lot of typical lies for grade schoolers instead of the internal lies)

- And surely I am with you always, forever and ever, no matter where you go. I care about you enough to stick with you and never let you go.

I like to think that our kids left with a self-esteem boost and a better understanding of where their self-worth comes from, but in all likelihood, they learned that they shouldn't lie. I guess it's a good start for when they get to middle school youth group in a few years.

You were made to fill a purpose that only you can do. There could never be a more beautiful you.

Soul Music

Today, I miss singing with the Spain kids.

During Interim, we sang 3 or 4 songs every day, sometimes even up to 7. And we were sooooo good at it, even though the songs were in Spanish and we were learning them. But for the most part, they were songs that we already knew the tunes to, so it was just a matter of learning the Spanish words and getting the timing right and all of that.

Anyway, we sang 4 songs tonight in church that we had learned the Spanish words to. I had a few moments of transportation back to our classroom in Denia, where the only music came from a guitar. Our voices meshed perfectly, and it didn't take very long for us to break off into harmonies and counter-melodies. It was so amazing, I can't even describe it. It's that sensation you feel in your chest, like your soul is being filled up and all you want to do is keep that feeling alive, no matter what. 

My heart, O God, is steadfast;
I will sing and make music with all my soul.
-Psalm 108:1

I'm looking forward to the next time that we get that group together to sing, whether that be in this life or after it. :)

You Should Try Playing This Game

So, a bunch of us college staff played a game of Telephone Pictionary in the cottage this afternoon. Everyone gets a stack of papers and you pass them around alternating between interpreting the picture with words and drawing a picture to match the words. For example, we played with 7 people, so we each had 7 pieces of paper. For the first round, we all wrote one sentence, then passed the stack of papers to the person on our left. The next person had to draw the sentence written on the paper, then slide the stack to the left. Then the next person has to interpret the picture into one sentence. It goes around alternating that way until the stacks return to their original owners. Most of the time, the original sentence and the final sentence are COMPLETELY different.

Like this one:

(Lynnae and Matthew walked hand-in-hand through the campground, and the rumor mill on Staff Row ground into action).



(A lovely redneck couple get married at a truck stop, but everyone is crying).



(Man gets hit by a car and leaves his fiance behind and then she can't move into her house).

(A man and woman are driving their car when it breaks down. The man pushes it to their house, but there's no door).

I can't wait to have more fun like this. :D

Epidemic

Did you know:
> 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before they turn 18 years old. In a classroom of 24, that's an average of 5 children.
> 70% of ALL sexual assaults happen to children 17 and under.
> More than 90% of child sexual abuse victims know their abuser.
> Young girls who are sexually abused are more likely to develop eating disorders during their teenage years.
> Children who are sexually abused are 4 times more likely to experience depression, anxiety, uncontrollable anger, nightmares, feelings of worthlessness, self-hatred, hopelessness, and thoughts of suicide during adolescence and adulthood.
> It is estimated that 39,000,000 sexual abuse survivors live in the United States.
> 70-80% of rapists report that they were sexually abused during their childhoods.

Does this concern anyone else?
Every year, we have a child sexual abuse awareness training seminar in order to learn about the statistics, effects, and prevention of abuse. It can be kind of tedious and time-consuming, but I've always found it intriguing because of my interest in psychology. The effects of abuse don't stop if/when the victim reports the abuse.

Ever since getting involved with a middle school youth group and doing teacher aiding last fall, I've been wondering if I'll ever have a student that tells me that they have been abused. Even if they don't tell me, it's possible that 20% of my students have been abused (or will be abused) before they graduate, according to statistics. Isn't that wild? That could be up to one person in each row of desks.
At first, it scared me a little bit. But as I dwell on it and think about it more and more, I realize that if I shy away from the responsibility of being their advocate, I help no one. I want to be the person they can talk about their struggles with and I want my classroom to be a safe place for them. It takes only one person that is willing to listen and help in order to restore hope to a broken soul.

Unfortunately, it also takes only one person that won't listen or reacts in the wrong way to devastating news, and that negative reaction has the power to silence a victim forever. No person on this earth enjoys the feeling that someone does not believe them; least of all, children.
This is my request. If anyone, regardless of age, approaches you and admits to you that they are struggling with something, ESPECIALLY if it is abuse or something equally serious, listen to them. Assure them that you will continue to listen to them, believe them, and that you want to help them. It's all about the initial emotional support. You don't have to carry the burden of saving them and providing professional help. But until that person is connected with people that are better equipped to help, you might be the only link they have between hope and despair.

Be brave. They confided in you for a reason.

Ready, Set, Orientate

(I was planning to write this last night, when it made more sense, but the internet wasn't working. So pretend I wrote this yesterday. haha.)

I love Conference Grounds orientation. And not just because all of our meals are provided for 3 straight days. Or the free pie and ice cream. :)
I love orientation because it means that I'm going to get to see all of my favorite people every day again. It's 3 days of meetings and activities and team bonding, not to mention great food, new people, and LOTS of laughter.

We started unofficially tonight with some pizza and Boscos (yum) and a couple of games designed to have people get to know each other. I had to man the store, so I missed most of it, but what I did get to sit in on was hilarious. The end result was that people got into pairs (often inter-generational) and they had to introduce each other to the rest of the staff. The multi-generationalism of the Conference Grounds staff is one of my favorite things here. I haven't held many jobs in my short lifetime, but I'm fairly sure that most places do not employ people of such diverse ages. If they do, the older people are typically in positions of power over the younger people. That's still true here, but I almost never notice it. We are more focused on being a community of equals than on being part of a hierarchy of power, which is something that makes this a perfect environment in which to work.

Wednesday and Thursday are devoted to departmental meetings, training sessions for the new staff members,  preparations, and, of course, more great food. Mealtimes are my favorite because the new members can mix in with the returning members and we all get to know each other a little better.
But I think my most favorite aspect of orientation is when the college staff hangs out at night after we're done with everything. All of us girls got together tonight to play Hot Seat, which, for those that are unfamiliar with it, is a game in which one person poses a question and everyone has to answer it. Technically, we tweaked the rules a bit (normally 1 person answers all the questions and everyone gets to ask), but we figured this way would be easier. Anyway, we talked about all manner of things, a few of which are not fit to print. :) We usually go out to Applebees for half-off appetizers during the week, or we watch a movie, or sometimes we do something totally insane. Last year (but not during orientation), we soaked all the boys' bathing suits and boxers and stuffed them in the freezer as a prank. We know how to have fun. :)

I'm very thankful to have been a part of a staff for the last 3 years that fit together so well and got along almost perfectly. This is especially important when you live in a cottage with 9 other girls. In all my years here, we have never had a problem with girls fighting or creating drama or making the cottage a tense place in which to live. I'll admit that when I saw my roommate assignment for last summer, I was very apprehensive because I was placed with Jessica and Becca and I hardly knew either of them. Things started off perfectly fine, and partway into Week 1, Becca pointed out that the three of us were constantly showing up in the same place at the same time. Whenever this happened, she would yell "CHINK!" like magnets attracting one another and we declared ourselves magnet roommates. From then on, we were somewhat inseparable and these two girls have become some of my closest friends. They even came to pick me up from Calvin the night that I returned from Spain even though Becca had to leave 6 hours later for Costa Rica. :)
I'm really really really hoping that this year will be similar. Jessica and I are roommates again, and our third roommate is a new staff member named Lindsey. People keep telling her to not be scared and not to believe anything that Jessica and I say (we may or may not be the two craziest people here), so hopefully she doesn't run away from us. :)

Part of the reason that Spain was so difficult was the anticipation of being here. That seems kind of backward; as in, it should have been easier to endure the time in Spain because I had something so fantastic to look forward to, but it was the opposite for me. I wanted so badly to be here instead of halfway across the world.

Now, I'm finally here, and I couldn't be happier. Summer 2011 - jankify. :)

The Lost Easter

This morning, I attended church at inSpirit Church instead of my parents' church. Before going to Spain, I went to inSpirit whenever I didn't have a commitment to play in another church. Pastor Randy is on vacation, which means that they had a guest pastor instead. He started the service in the usual way, with greetings and a blessing, and somewhere near the end, he mentioned that it was Ascension Day.

Wait. Ascension Day? Did we have Easter? When was Easter?
-Yeah, Easter was back in April. Where were you?
Um....yeah......where was I.....

As I sat there trying to think of why I had no memory of Easter, it slowly came back to me. I remember it was raining, suuuuper hard, and because I had been coughing and sneezing the last couple of days, my host mamá begged me not to leave the house. All of these circumstances  put me in my bed on Easter morning, instead of walking to church. I tried to tell her that I would just walk to the bus station and catch the van up to the church, but she insisted that I stay in bed because she knew what was better for me. I didn't have the physical or mental strength to argue with her, so I stayed in bed.
Bit of background: My host family is non-religious. Pau, Carol's 9-year-old son, attends a Catholic school, but I think it's more because Carol wanted him to have a good private education as some of the state-run schools don't provide an education that adequately prepares students to succeed in university prep courses. The private schools do a much better job. Basically, the same story as some of America's public schools.
Anyway, my host family doesn't celebrate religious holidays, which meant that for me, Easter became just any other Sunday, which really meant it was like any other Saturday. Consuelo cooked a regular old meal, we sat in front of the tv, and then I went back to my room after a little while to read or watch tv online or something. I don't remember. Everyone else was traveling around on Spring Break, and I stayed in during the whole rest of the day. Easter 2011 passed into history as the Easter that I didn't celebrate with a single other soul.

Normally, my family celebrates Easter by going to church, which always involves something extra Easter-y: songs, a drama, lilies at the front, etc. Then we would usually go to my grandma's house with other family members and we would have a huge meal and tons of candy. When I (and most of my cousins) were younger, Grandma would always prepare little baskets of candy and jellybeans for us to take home. This was always my favorite because I loooooooove candy. Now she just pours the chocolates into my outstretched hands straight from the bag because I'm too old for the little baskets. :)
I guess this is my point: Do I really need all the family-related activities to remember Easter? Did I forget this year's Easter because I didn't go to church or do typically Easter-y things? Or was it kind of a fluke: not going to church, being in Spain, living with a family that doesn't celebrate Easter, no other Americans around, and it all felt like a Saturday - all of these circumstances combined to make me forget it? I kind of hope that this is the reason, because the first reason makes me look kind of bad. :)

It's not as if I forgot the significance of Easter. It's one of my favorite holidays because of all the feeling that is attached to it - hope, renewal, rebirth, life, etc. Which is why it made it extra hard to be away from home during Easter. All of the things that I normally associate with Easter meant nothing to my host family. I think the closest thing I can compare it with is this: They don't celebrate Christian holidays in the same way that my family doesn't celebrate Jewish holidays. It's not an attempt to thumb their noses at God, it's just different. Anyway, seeing all the Facebook statuses about Easter made me feel a little bit closer, but even farther away at the same time.

So back to church this morning. When was Easter, and where was I? Easter was April 24, and I was in Spain. It was an Easter unlike any I had ever celebrated, and not in a good way, but it helped me learn something:

Holidays have to have a personal significance. If the meaning of the holiday is wrapped up in the way that you celebrate it, you'll forget the holiday every year.

Profunda Pena

Today, I miss my Spain classmates.
Almost every Friday, if most people were in town, we would all meet in front of the Mercadona (a Meijer-type grocery store) to buy some junk food (and, in Alyssa's case, bread) and then we would head up to Sarah's host mama's apartment to eat, drink some sangria, and watch a movie.
This was always a highlight of my week, and not just because Ben usually managed to snag us movies that a) were brand-new in the States and b) most of the time, not even released in Spain yet. It wasn't even because of the mountains of Rebuena cookies that we all ate. Or the fresh strawberries, ice cream, or any other manner of junk food we managed to find.
It was always a highlight because I loved spending time with these people, no matter what we were doing. We could have been just lounging around in Sarah's room chatting (and we often did). It wouldn't have mattered to me. I just liked being around everyone.
Lately, I've really been missing that. And not just the thought of "hmm, I miss them." It's more like..."I really want to see these people. There's a place in my heart that only these people can fill." A part of my heart hurts without them.
One of my very good friends told me that a person can grieve anything that has been lost. I think that most of the time we attribute the action (or state of being) of 'grieving' only to the times when a loved one has passed away. Well, none of my Spain classmates have passed away. But I still grieve the "loss" of them. The loss of seeing them every day, being able to talk to them basically whenever I wanted/needed to, being able to go out  with them for cafe con leche, or even being able to simply lay on the beach in the sun with them. I grieve that loss.

I know I'll see them all again. That's a given. But for right now, I wish we were in Sarah's bedroom, laughing and eating and enjoying each other.

Top 8: Favorite Things To Do At The Conference Grounds

Maybe this shouldn't be "Top 8"...more like, "First 8 Things That Came To Mind."

1. Going in the hot tub when it's actually cold out. This doesn't happen very often because it's still so warm by the time we get up there during the summer, but this past weekend was particularly cold, so it was fantastic. 

2. Watching the sunset. Especially when there are clouds and cool colors. Also, watching big storms roll in over the lake.

3. Watching movies (or TV on DVD) with the girls in Amistad, wrapped up in blankets, eating bowls of ice cream and tons of junk food.

4. Pranking the boys. And staying up really late. And giggling like crazies.

5. Seeing all the wonderful kids and families that I've met over the past 3 years when they come out to camp for "their" weeks. I recognize and know more people every year, and it's so much fun to see the kids as they grow up. 

6. Going on "runs." Candy runs, Applebee's Half-Off Apps runs, Subway runs, Family Video runs, Pronto Pups runs (this was more when Stacey was around), Meijer runs...the possibilities are endless. Unfortunately, our gas money is not. Haha.

7. Wandering around, especially at night, and finding people to talk to. The best ones are those that offer you food from their campfire. This is why Nighttime Security is the BEST job here. Basically, you wander around, talk to people, and get offered free food. Oh, and you have to make sure everything is locked up and that there are no people on the beach or vandalizing things. But free food!

8. Spending time with all of the people that work here. They all have such unique stories filled with things that you would never even think of. That's the best part about coming back to work here every summer: already knowing (most) of the people you work with. :)