A Refreshed Heart

Today was rough. I'll just state it simply and bluntly. ROUGH.

For some reason, I was unreasonably stressed about school today. It was like it was the first day of the semester all over again. I had prepared this great lesson as part of my culture unit for today and I had mapped out the last two weeks of my full-time teaching lessons. Unfortunately, I had to run these plans by my CT for her approval, and this was stressing me out big-time. 

There's just something about student teaching that has broken down my confidence in myself when it comes to teaching. I can't really point to any one event in particular. Just a bunch of little every day occurrences that make me feel like I'm not good enough to do this.

Over Spring Break I had wayyyy too much time on my hands for idle thinking and over-thinking. I actually seriously considered giving up on teaching altogether after this semester and heading straight into a Masters' program after I finish my undergrad next winter. And I still haven't ruled that out. I have days where I think, "What on EARTH am I doing? Am I even any good at this?"

Unfortunately, I still don't have an answer to those questions. But give it time. 

The theme of devotions at class tonight was Philemon 1:7, which is one of my FAVORITE verses:
"Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother (or sister!), have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people." The people in my class refresh my heart every week. We had such a good prayer sesh after devotions, sharing and crying and praying for each other and carrying each other's burdens. That refreshes my heart. 

Here's another thing that refreshes my heart: Being able to call someone at midnight when I can't sleep and having that someone understand without me even having to explain. It was a particularly horrible night and I still didn't end up sleeping very much. But this friend refreshed my heart with her love and encouragement.

In fact, a lot of you refresh my heart every day with your love, encouragement, and prayers. I thank God for all of you. He uses you to get me through my days and nights.

I hope that my writing can be a source of refreshment for your hearts as well. Sometimes I write just to get my thoughts and frustrations out, but other times I write because I know I can't be the only one with the thoughts and questions that I have. I pray that everyone who comes across this blog sees a testament to God's faithfulness and the work He accomplishes through His people. I also pray that I have been a source of encouragement for you, even if I have never met you. 

Until we meet, either again or for the first time, God bless you.