The OCD Monster

So here's an interesting story...

I was working in the ole candy store tonight and after the dinner rush subsided, I had a chance to look around and see what a hot mess the store had become in all the mayhem. Boxes on the floor, empty ice cream containers on every surface, and containers of candy everywhere thanks to our new shipment. I started darting around like a crazy person, breaking down boxes and tidying up. After a few trips to drop off bags of trash and a stack of cardboard, I took a good look at the shelves underneath the candy counters. Boxes of Sour Geckos were in nine different locations. 50¢ candy was on the shelf beneath the 5¢ candy. Several half-full boxes of Gummi Hot Dogs were scattered around. The candy was out of control.

There is little that irks me more than unnecessary disorganization.

Something snapped inside me and I became singularly obsessed with organizing the candy as soon as possible. I looked like a maniac, pulling boxes off of one shelf and tossing them onto the floor near the shelf on which they were supposed to sit. It's a good thing there weren't any customers around because I was wearing my crazy eyes.

Several other small incidents contributed to my psychosis later that night, but I won't list them for you. Let's just say that I became so agitated and worked up and ready to snap that I put myself to work in the back stock room. I was so afraid that I would let loose on a customer who said the wrong thing. It was better for all involved that I just go and work on something else with no people around.

So I grabbed a cloth and set to work on wiping down freezers and shelves and restocking and organizing and consolidating. Let me just say that I am the queen of consolidation. I absolutely love it. Anyway, I started moving faster and faster, flitting from job to job and definitely not doing them in the most efficient way possible. I'm usually very efficient (unless I am purposely trying to drag out a job), but my brain was so full of little tasks that I kept adding to my mental list. I ended up not even finishing jobs because I was so agitated.

When I got around to the freezer, I sat on a stool and scrubbed at the smallest spots for minutes on end. I was determined to scrub every square inch completely clean. I wanted every tiny blemish gone. I had become obsessed by the thought that I had to get the freezer clean before I could relax.

Anyone who knows me, most especially my mother, will tell you that I am not an obsessive cleaner. I like to have things neat, I don't like to have food laying around, and I definitely don't like visible grime. But am I immediately going to grab a washcloth and wipe up after my roommates? No. Therefore, this obsessive frenetic cleaning was completely out of character for me.

It was scary. It was unnerving. I didn't know how to handle it. I've never been diagnosed with full-blown Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but I do have obsessive-compulsive tendencies. Here's the difference: my life is not ruled by obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors to assuage those thoughts. But, from time to time, I get overcome by obsessive thoughts that simply will not go away. Case in point: I got unreasonably upset about being pulled away from cleaning that freezer because of an ice cream rush. In my right mind, I would jump at the chance to get out of cleaning. My mom can testify to the fact that I put off my weekly chores as long as possible when I was younger. But tonight, all I wanted to do was clean. Maybe "wanted" isn't the right word...it was more like a force inside of me was compelling me to clean.

I've calmed down now, but at the time, it was scary. Whenever I talk to my psychiatrist about these little sparring matches with the OCD monster, he tells me to ride it out. Don't try to fight it, because that will make it worse. Just ride it out. Do what you have to do and survive each episode.

So I guess that's what I'll do. I don't have a better solution or answer right now.