Thursday, October 24, 2013

Op-Ed: For Those Who Say that Christians Shouldn't Be Depressed / Para Ellos que Dicen que los Cristianos no Deben Estar Deprimidos

Pastor Cordova's piece is written in Spanish and I have translated it into Spanish; my piece is written in English and translated to Spanish as a courtesy to Spanish-speaking readers. 

Por cuanto la DEPRESION no tiene causa orgánica; es muy poco lo que la medicina (anti-depresivos; y otros medios) pueden hacer. Atacan los síntomas; pero no van a la raíz; que en última instancia es el pecado. Una persona, sea creyente o no; que no asume sus responsabilidades; peca contra Dios. Un patrón no va a excusar a su empleado que le diga:" Hoy no voy a trabajar porque me siento deprimido".
         Culpar a otros por nuestras conductas pecaminosas no es nada nuevo: "La serpiente me engañó, la mujer que me diste…nuestros primeros padres querían evadir su responsabilidad. Dios les dijo: ¿QUE HICISTES? No bebamos las inútiles teorías de muchos "profesionales" en relación a este asunto. El deprimido puede ser ayudado por los recursos del consejo divino. El semblante de Caín decayó (Gen.4:5) cuando mató a Abel. Estaba deprimido por su pecado. Dios no le excusó; en esencia le digo que era lo que tenía que hacer para salir de ese siclo: "Si bien hicieres, ¿no serás enaltecido? v.7. "Asume tu responsabilidad, Cain arrepiéntete y serás restaurado. No pequemos contra Dios pensando que un psicólogo inconverso tiene más recursos que nosotros para ayudar al deprimido. Tenemos el Espíritu de Dios y los recursos de Su Palabra.

                Because depression has no organic cause, there is very little that medicine (antidepressants, y other methods) can do. They attack the symptoms, but they don’t go to the root, which ultimately is sin. A person who, whether a believer or not, doesn't assume his/her responsibilities, sins against God. A boss is not going to excuse his/her employee that says “Today I’m not going to work because I feel depressed.”
Blaming others for our own sinful conduct is nothing new: “The serpent deceived me, the woman gave me…” Our original parents wanted to shirk their responsibility. God told them, “What did you do?” Let’s not drink in the useless theories of many “professionals” in relation to this matter. The depressed person can be helped by the resources of divine counsel. Cain’s demeanor got worse when he killed Abel. He was depressed because of his sin. God did not excuse him; in essence, He told him what he had to do in order to escape that cycle: “If you do what is right, will you not be lifted up?” Assume your responsibility, Cain, repent and you will be restored. Let’s not sin against God thinking that an unbelieving psychologist has more resources than us in order to help the depressed person. We have the Spirit of God and the resources of His word.

Here’s where I’d like to start: how can you say that depression has no organic cause? There is a mountain of research that indicates that depression can be caused by neurotransmitter imbalance in the brain. Sure, some people experience depression because they did something that they feel guilty about, but that’s certainly not true of everyone. Or what about someone who begins to suffer from depression after someone close to them dies? How did that person sin? Surely the loss of a meaningful loving relationship isn’t a sin.
I will agree with Pastor Cordova that pharmaceuticals alleviate the symptoms of depression without fixing the root of it, but that’s not true for everyone. I have met people whose depression has been managed so well with antidepressants to the point that they no longer experience symptoms of depression. I’m sure one could make the argument that those people are simply using drugs to deceive themselves, but that’s not proof that medications can’t eradicate depression.

Now we come to the point with which I have the most contention: Depression is caused by sin? I can see how you would think that, especially if your experience is that depression pulls people away from God, but I wholeheartedly disagree with the assertion that depression is caused by sin. As many of you know, I have suffered from chronic depression since 2008. I take antidepressants each morning, and I go to counseling with a wonderful psychologist (who is also a Christian) three to four times a month. I have a problem with people that say that I am depressed because of my sin. I admit that I am a sinner and that there’s nothing I can do to save myself from that. But what am I supposed to have done that has caused me to feel this way for so long?

The example of an employee who calls in depressed to work shows that Pastor Cordova has little to no understanding of the true nature of depression. As I have written before, depression is not simply feeling sad. It’s a condition that can decimate a person’s will to live. It can put a person flat on his or her back just as effectively as pneumonia can. It may be the common cold of mental illness, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not an intense, painful, and dangerous disease.

I find it somewhat unfortunate that Pastor Cordova needs to refer to doctors and psychologists as “professionals” with the quotation marks. Have those people not gone to school for many years, worked many internships, and earned the right to be considered professionals, no quotation marks? Pastors go to school, obtain graduate degrees, work internships, and must be ordained in order to be pastors. Just because you think their science is faulty does not mean that they do not deserve respect for what they have accomplished.

The example of Abel’s murder at the hands of his brother is particularly revealing of Pastor Cordova’s attitude toward the relationships between what mental health professionals call the ABC: affect, behavior, and cognition (feelings, actions, and thoughts). According to Pastor Cordova’s interpretation of the account in Genesis, Cain experienced depression after killing his brother. This is an example of behavior influencing feelings. But that’s not always the way it goes. Some people experience the feelings first with no sinful behavior. That’s how it was with me. I had graduated from high school, started college three months later, worked after the summer at a job I absolutely loved, and had plans to pursue a career in teaching. I was not mean-spirited, I did not step on other people to get what I want, I worked hard in school and at work, I did my best to help other people, and I certainly did not murder my brother. During that period of my life, when I first realized that I suffered from depression, I spent a lot of time searching my head and heart, trying to determine what I had done to deserve this. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that Christians can be depressed just the same as non-Christians. It was almost as if I had to forgive myself for a condition that I couldn’t control.

I don’t believe that depression has to pull Christians away from God. It certainly can; it is a serious condition that should not be underestimated. At the same time, it has the power to bring people closer to God as well. I don’t always feel close to God, but I trust Him to always be close to me. I don’t believe that God is punishing me for my sin with depression any more than God punishing someone with cancer or a miscarriage or fatal car accident at the hands of a drunk driver. And while I know that it was not God’s original intention for me to be depressed, I have faith that He will use it to bring me and other closer to Him. I already see that in my life in my training to be a counselor and my ability to relate to and empathize with other people.
So, Pastor Cordova, what would you say to me about my experience with depression? Is my experience valid, or am I simply deluding myself?

Quiero empezar aquí: ¿cómo puede usted decir que la depresión no tiene una causa orgánica? Hay un montón de hallazgos de investigación que indican que la depresión puede resultar a causa de un desequilibrio de neurotransmisores en el cerebro. Cierto, algunas personas experimentan la depresión a causa de algo que hicieron por el que se sienten culpables, pero eso no es verdad de todos. O pensemos en la persona que empieza a padecer la depresión después de que un querido se muere. ¿Cómo pecó esa persona? Por seguro, la pérdida de una relación significante y cariñosa no es un pecado.

Estaré de acuerdo con Pastor Cordova que los farmacéuticos alivian los síntomas de depresión sin arreglar la raíz del problema, pero, otra vez, no es verdad para todos. He conocido a personas cuya depresión ha sido suficientemente manejada hasta el punto que ya no experimentan sus síntomas de depresión. Estoy segura que se puede formar el argumento que esas personas simplemente usan las drogas para engañarse, pero eso no es una prueba que los medicamentos no pueden erradicar la depresión.

Ahora venimos al punto con el que tengo la más disputa: ¿La depresión es causada por el pecado? Puedo ver cómo usted puede pensar así, especialmente si tu experiencia es que la depresión le fuerza a la gente alejarse de Dios. Pero disiento con todo corazón con la aserción que la depresión viene del pecado. Como muchos de ustedes ya saben, he padecido depresión desde 2008. Tomo un antidepresivo cada mañana, y asisto a terapia con mi psicóloga maravillosa (quién también es cristiana) tres o cuatro veces al mes. Tengo un problema con la gente que dice que estoy deprimida a causa de mi pecado. Admito que soy pecadora y que no hay nada que puedo hacer para salvarme de mi pecado. Pero ¿qué es lo que se supone que he hecho que me causa sentir estas emociones?
El ejemplo de un empleado que llama a su jefe y dice que se siente deprimida muestra que Pastor Cordova tiene poco entendimiento de la esencia verdadera de la depresión. Como he escrito antes, la depresión no es simplemente sentir triste. Es una condición que puede diezmar la voluntad para vivir de una persona. Puede confinar a una persona a la cama tan eficazmente como la neumonía. Se dice que la depresión es el resfriado del mundo de enfermedad mental, pero eso no quiere decir que no es una enfermedad intensa, dolorosa, y sumamente peligrosa.

Lo encuentro un poco desafortunado que Pastor Cordova necesita referirles a los doctores y psicólogos como “profesionales” con las comillas. ¿No han asistido esas personas a las escuelas graduadas, trabajado muchos prácticas y residencias, y ganarse el derecho de ser considerados profesionales, sin comillas? Los pastores asisten a la escuela, obtienen especializaciones graduadas, hacen las prácticas, y necesitan ser ordenados para ser pastores. Puede que su ciencia sea incorrecta, pero no significa que no merecen la respeta por lo que han logrado.

El ejemplo del asesinato de Abel por su hermano Cain es particularmente relevador de la actitud de Pastor Cardova hacia lo que los profesionales de la salud mental llaman el ABC: affect, behavior, y cognition (sentimientos, acciones, y pensamientos). Según la interpretación de Pastor Cordova del cuento en Genesis, Cain experimentó la depresión después de matar a su hermano. Éste es un ejemplo de lo del comportamiento influyendo los sentimientos. Pero no es siempre lo que pasa. Algunas personas experimentan los sentimientos primero sin las acciones pecadores. Eso es lo que me pasó a mí. Había graduado del colegio, iba a empezar la universidad tres meses después, había trabajado en un trabajo que realmente me encantó, trabajé duro en la escuela y en el trabajo, me esforcé ayudar a otros lo más posible, y ciertamente no maté a mi hermano. Durante ese período de mi vida, cuando primero me di cuenta que padecí depresión, pasé mucho tiempo buscando en mi mente y corazón, intentando determinar lo qué había cometido para merecer esto. Me costó mucho antes de que yo aceptara que los cristianos pueden estar deprimidos tanto como los no cristianos. Era como si tuviera que perdonarme por una condición que no podía controlar.

No creo que la depresión tenga que estirar a la gente y despedazarle de Dios. Se puede hacerlo, seguramente; es una condición muy grave que no debe ser subestimada. Pero al mismo tiempo, tiene el poder de hacerle a la gente acercarse a Dios también. No siempre me siento cerca de Dios, pero confío que Dios siempre estaré cerca de mí. No creo que Dios me castiga por mi pecado con la depresión; después de todo, Dios no castiga con el cáncer o el aborto espontaneo y un accidente fatal a causa de un conductor emborrachado. Y mientras que sé que no era la intención original de Dios que esté deprimida, confío que Él lo usará para traernos a mí y a otros más cercanos a Su mismo. Ya veo esto en mi vida y en mi entrenamiento  de ser consejera y mi habilidad de verme reflejada en otras personas y mostrar empatía.

Así que, Pastor Cordova, ¿qué me puede decir usted sobre mi experiencia con la depresión? ¿Es válida mi experiencia, o simplemente me engaño?


Sunday, August 11, 2013

7 Reasons That Young Adults Might Be Leaving Your Church

It seems that the CRC has been having a problem lately with their young adults (ages 18-25). As in, they are leaving in droves. They head off to college and then they don't come back. The powers that be have been discussing this issue for a while now and as I was sitting in church this morning, I put together a list of reasons that young adults are peacing out.

1. Many churches have little or no ministry aimed at young adults. This is a cyclical problem: if there is no young adult community, they'll leave; and if there's no one around to join a YA ministry, it will be difficult to get one started.
2. Similar to #1, many churches have little or no ministry that support single young adults. The CRC is really good at promoting families and marriage, but not so good at validating singlehood. It's very hard to find your place in a community where almost everyone is engaged or married and asks you, "Are you dating anyone? Have you found the Right One yet? Are you putting yourself out there?" My suggestion: a solid ministry for singles. Not everyone wants to get married. Not everyone can get married. And for those YAs that do want to get married but aren't dating anyone, you need a place where they feel validated and welcome.
3. Young adults may not see themselves represented among those leading worship, teaching church school, and serving in other positions. It's hard to picture yourself in a leadership position if your examples seem so different from you.
4. If there are few young adults in your church to begin with, the YAs that are there may feel like they don't belong. As the median age of a given church rises and members become more conservative, younger members may find themselves having to keep silent when their views differ from the collective standpoint of the church on key issues. Instead of voicing their viewpoints and risking the fallout, YAs may find it easier to simply find another church, or leave the Church altogether.
5. One in ten young adults experience depression sometime between the ages of 18 and 25. Between the demands of college, the jump into the workforce, moving away from home, and learning to be their own person, many YAs don't know how to cope. Depression is a topic that churches tend to stay far away from. Some churches go so far as to blame people who are depressed, saying that if they were better Christians, they wouldn't be depressed. Not okay, guys.
6. It's getting a little better, but historically, the church has been non-inclusive of the LGBTQQIAA community. That's Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Allies, and Asexual, if you're having trouble keeping track. I'm not gonna lay out the arguments for and against tolerating homosexuality in the Church, but just know that there are gay and lesbian Christians out there (and more of them than you might think) and it's difficult for them to feel Christ's love when the church doesn't show it.
7. Young adults have changed and the Church hasn't. That is, the years of young adulthood are characterized by change: change in environment, change in employment, change in family, change in friends, change in education, change in conscience, change in pretty much everything. When they come back to a church after being away for a while, it can be disorienting. They may still know the people, but they might feel like those people don't know them anymore. They may not even know themselves anymore. The Church is supposed to be the place where you feel at home, right? Where you'll be accepted, no matter what, right?  Where you'll be embraced with all of the stuff you've been through, right? If the Church doesn't want to change, it must at least be willing to understand and accept its sinners, just the way they are. After all, aren't we all just community of imperfect people?

Friday, August 2, 2013

A Mostly Cost-Free Guide to Raising an Achievement-Oriented Drug-Free Adult Virgin

This is an adaption from Bossypants, by Tina Fey and all tips come from experience.

1. Get her interested in spelling bees. There's nothing more desirable than a girl who spends her free time poring over national-level spelling lists.
2. Let her take care of her own unibrow/eyebrows. It might feel like it's impossible to resist the urge to pin her down and do some radical plucking, but just let her figure it out.
3. Foster her aptitude for music by encouraging her to be a musician herself so that she need not cavort with musicians later on.
4. Do not buy her a car of her own. Give her permission to drive the family car. She'll think twice about making out with some guy behind the Taco Bell in the back of the car that you all go to Grandma's house in.
5. Her first cell phone should come with her driver's license. But mom! All of the kids in my class have cell phones! Well, if all the kids in your class had chlamydia, would you want that too?
6. Her first laptop should come with her high school diploma. Reasoning, see above.
7. Don't install internet site blocking software. That will show her that you don't trust her to make good web-surfing choices. Do put the computer in a shared open space. That will show her that you intend to monitor her good web-surfing choices.
8. Cultivate a healthy fear of unplanned pregnancies and sexually-transmitted infections.
9. Convince her that living at home during her college years is a fabulous economically intelligent decision.
10. Travel the country during the summer so that she can brag to her classmates about all the national parks, landmarks, forests, monuments, and historic centers she's been to.
11. If she's not using makeup, don't encourage her to. You'll save both of you a lot of money. Plus. she probably doesn't need it and is beautiful just the way she is.
12. Strong father figure / a fear thereof. She's gotta be afraid of what will happen if she doesn't brush her teeth or lets bugs into the house by leaving the door open.
13. Let it be known that she'll be disowned if she comes home pregnant and unwed.
14. Push those AP and honors classes and encourage her to do her best in all things school-related.
15. Give her love and validation (especially you dads) so that she doesn't need to find it from that creep down the road with long greasy hair, tattoos, and a motorcycle.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Life After the Conference Grounds

Isn't there a song or a phrase somewhere that says "You can't go home again"? This is the first summer of not living and working at the Conference Grounds after five years in a row of being there. I had to move on because I have school this summer and I wouldn't be able to work there full-time. I figured that visiting frequently would be enough, that it would fill me up with the added benefit of not having to work in the ice cream store under a baking hot sun. I knew that it would feel a little different to be there only every so often, but I didn't expect it to feel this different.

It's not that I feel left out of something great. Technically, I am left out because I don't work there anymore, but I made my peace with that at the end of last summer, so it that part doesn't bother me. I think what's so hard is knowing that I eventually have to go home each time. And home isn't the Conference Grounds. It will always be my heart home, but I don't live there anymore. No matter how much fun I have while I'm visiting my friends there, in the back of my mind, there's that niggling voice that says, "Don't get too happy, you know you'll just have to go home later."

Sometimes it's just too hard, ya know? Being in a place that used to be your place. That place where you fit perfectly, no questions asked. I can go back and visit all I want, but it's not the same. Today, before I left, it physically hurt to be there and know that I couldn't stay. I can't explain where it hurt or why it hurt. It hurt so much that it has made me wonder if it's even worth it to go out there again. Is it worth it to enjoy myself for a few hours and then feel so horribly lonely afterward? In the long run, would I be better off emotionally if I just stayed away? Do the good feelings outweigh the bad ones?

That's what I'm struggling with tonight. I'd have a good cry about it, but we both know that that ain't gonna happen. Sometimes I hold my breath until my heart starts beating really loud just to make sure that it's still going. But ya know what? It is what it is. Good night world, the sun'll come out tomorrow.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

A Prayer For You On This Fathers' Day

Today is the day when everyone remembers their dad, sends cards and presents, and gives hugs, either in person or in long-distance.

But for those of you for whom Fathers' Day hurts, this post is for you.

For the kids who are far away from their dads, whether it's miles or continents, I pray that the distance won't seem so great and that there will be a way for you to connect with your dad.
For the kids whose fathers have died, I pray that your grief will not drown you and that your happy memories of Dad will hold you up.
For the kids who have never known their fathers, I pray that you would be able to forget the reasons that you don't know your dad and appreciate the chromosomes he passed along.
For the kids who don't get to see their dads very often, I pray that you will be able to celebrate your dad the next time you see him as fully as you would have celebrated him today.
For the kids whose fathers have hurt them, I pray that this day would not remind you of that pain.

For the fathers whose children have died, I pray that your grief will not overtake you and that you will remember that you will always be their dad.
For the stepfathers, I pray that you will appreciate your stepchildren for who they are, forgive them when they treat you badly, and be the strong role model they need.
For the fathers who don't get to see their kids very often, I pray that the time you do spend with your kids can be as special as it would have been today and that being away won't hurt too much.

For all of you whose Fathers' Day is less than ideal...I'm praying for you.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Spotlight

 W
e
l
l,
b
a
c
k
to
the
spot-
light.
I bet you
can't believe
that you're here
again. It's like it all comes rushing back, as
if four years ago was yesterday. I bet you never in a million
years thought you'd have to go through all of this again. Everyone is hurt.
Everyone is upset. Everyone feels lost. People you have never met are following this story
on the edge of their seats. "Gortsema" has become a household name, whispered speculations and whispered prayers. Even people who have never met Riley know her story, know what she's been through, know what you've been through. And the question remains: Why? Why her? Why now? Why you? Why, God? Why did this happen? Why? The questions will drive you crazy. They say that, in this kind of situation, all you can do is pray. But they never tell you how to pray when you can't find the words. It's easy to say, "She's in Heaven," but that doesn't really help you, does it? She's not here. "She's not suffering anymore," they'll say. But such small comfort that is. It's okay to want her back. It's okay to want both of them back. "God bears your pain," but it's pretty hard to understand that when
it feels like God disappeared. And in the end,
together with your pain and confusion, you're
back in this hellish spotlight.


Sunday, May 19, 2013

It's Okay.

This is a list of things you don't hear in our culture.

  1. It's okay to not go to college after you finish high school. 
  2. It's okay to stop going to college if it's not the thing for you. 
  3. It's okay to take a year off from school if you're not sure what you're doing there in the first place. And if that year turns into several years or not going back at all, that's okay too. 
  4. It's okay to go to community college. They are just as academically rigorous as 4-year state colleges. Their quality is just as high. And hello, they cost a fraction of the price of other colleges! 
  5. It's okay to not know what you want to do when you graduate from high school.
  6. It's okay to not know what you want to do when you graduate from college.
  7. It's okay to not get perfect grades. Your grades don't define you. 
  8. It's okay to fail. It doesn't make you a failure. 
  9. It's okay to not like kids. 
  10. It's okay to not want to have kids. 
  11. It's okay to work a job that doesn't give you lots of money, especially if you love that job. 
  12. It's okay to not be happy all the time. 
  13. It's okay to live with your parents (though you should probably check with them as to how long their welcome will last). 
  14. It's okay to not fulfill everyone else's expectations all the time. 
  15. It's okay to not fulfill your own expectations all the time. 
  16. It's okay to feel far away from God from time to time. 
  17. It's okay to wonder if God even cares about what happens to you. 
  18. It's okay to cry, even for guys. It's not a sign of weakness.
  19. It's okay to not be perfect. 
  20. It's okay to not be doing great things all the time. 
  21. It's okay to be you