"So, what have you been up to since you were last here?"

Instead of simply enjoying my Christmas break and allowing myself to just veg out and let everything from my semester's classes fall out of my brain, I got myself a temporary job. Back in September 2008, when I was first taking classes at Grand Rapids CC, my dad suggested that I get a job at the campus bookstore because he knew several of the people that run the place. Over the course of three semesters, I worked there during six different rush periods. My main jobs were preparing and shelving used books and helping customers find their books. I got to do some other odd jobs too, such as fixing a printer (it was really just plugging something in) and delivering textbooks to a satellite campus. When I transferred to Calvin, I said my farewell to the Bookstore, (fairly) sure that it would be last time. Of course, the managers said that I was welcome to come back anytime, and since I need money for grad school, it seemed like the obvious choice for a job over break.

However, before I tell you that story I must tell you this story.
Fast forward to Saturday night: it was not a great night. I was feeling very upset about the fact that so many of my friends were getting engaged and married, I had just finished my last regular semester at Calvin, I realized that I wouldn't be seeing a lot of my friends anymore, friends my age were getting jobs and moving away...basically, I was feeling very lonely. I was sitting there, thinking it really couldn't get any worse, and then BAM! I discovered that my ex-boyfriend had just gotten engaged to his girlfriend. It's not as if I still have feelings for him, but it was mostly the fact that yet another person my age was getting married.

My mind started down its well-worn path. Is something wrong with me that all these other people my age (or younger) are getting married and I'm not even close to that? Am I unlovable? Do I need to change something about myself? And the thought that scared me the most: had God forgotten about me? Was He busy with other people's lives and He'd get back around to me once they were all set? Had I been placed in a holding pattern until God had time for me? I had certainly been feeling that way lately, given that I was a year (or more) older than almost everyone else in all of my classes last semester, I was single, and instead of moving away to take a job offer at graduation, I was moving back in with my parents to work a collection of odd jobs to raise money for more school.

On Monday, I went back to the Bookstore, bright and early. Actually, not bright at all because it was very early. Anyway, everyone was asking me how my time at Calvin had been and what I had been up to since last working at the bookstore. It was then that I realized that I had actually accomplished a lot of monumental things:
- I had graduated from college with a 4-year degree
- I had studied in Spain for five months and become fluent in Spanish
- I had completed 14 weeks of student teaching
- I had written a book manuscript (still working on getting that bad boy published)
It took being around a group of non-Calvin people to realize that my life was actually moving forward (sorry Calvin people, but it's true). At a place like Calvin, it's easy to feel like you're not forging your own path. Everyone there is serious about their academics, almost everyone gets jobs after graduation or goes on to grad school, and a whooooole lot of people get engaged by the end. I had two of the three, but somehow, I felt like I wasn't going anywhere because I wasn't three for three.

After experiencing this great revelation, I've been feeling better about myself and my ability to make something of myself. The employees of the Bookstore are so wonderfully diverse. Their goals are not to graduate and immediately get married, as seems to be the running theme at Calvin. Being among them again brought me back to myself.

Op-Ed: Tragedy in Our Time

It's easy to think, "What if it had been my kids in that school today?" I would be willing to bet that parents across the country, perhaps even across the world, are asking themselves that question. Many friends and acquaintances of mine are parents to elementary school-age children and I know that they are hugging their kids just a little bit tighter before putting them to bed tonight. Even those of us without kids can feel the pain that radiates from Newtown, Connecticut.

Here's a question that I bet none of you are asking: "What if it had been my kid who killed 30 people?" What if it had been your son, your grandson, your brother who gunned down 20 children, his mother, and then finally himself?

For as stunningly common as mass shootings have become, it never gets any easier to digest the news. Everyone feels helpless in the wake of such tragedies and it seems like the only thing to do is rally around the families of the victims and the community. The angry crowds demonize the murderers, clamoring for blood, especially when there are children involved. But before you join that throng, ask yourself this question: "What if it had been my kid?" Would your hate still burn? Would you still love him?

I am not saying that we should condone what Adam Lanza did. He made a series of decisions with devastating consequences. There is no excuse. But ask yourself this: what kind of suffering had Adam endured to this point that brought him to that school armed to the teeth and ready for vengeance? I have to imagine that Adam had been carrying around a lot of torment for a long time; so long that it distorted his entire perception of himself and his world. Was there no one he could trust? Was there no one with whom he felt safe?

It can be easy to blame parents, siblings, bullies, mental illness, medication, loose gun laws, and so many other things that contribute to the creation of the Adam Lanzas. Instead of doing that, though, we need to open our eyes. Adam Lanza the School Shooter was not made overnight. Many months, maybe even years, of going through life unnoticed and unloved brought him to Sandy Hook ES this morning. No one reached out to him when he was at his lowest. And now no one ever will have the opportunity to do so.

But YOU do have the opportunity to reach out to the people in your life who are suffering. You know who they are. If you don't, ask God to reveal to you who they are, He'll be glad to do it. People are crying out for help, each in their own way, and you have more power than you realize to minister to them. Just showing them that you care and that you won't leave can mean the difference between life and death. If you are that hurting person, don't keep it all inside. Reach out. Someone will be there to reach back.

Hug the children in your life tonight. Pray for the parents whose children were killed. And don't forget to pray for the parents whose children have done the unfathomable.

A Bedtime Story for Ella and Maggie

Even though it says Ella and Maggie, this story is for you too. No one is too old for a bedtime story.

[This story is based on a children's book called The Invisible String by Patrice Karst, adapted and personalized for two very special and beautiful little girls who just lost their father.]

Dear Ella and Maggie,
Back when you were born, God connected you to all of your loved ones with invisible strings. At first it was just your parents, grandparents, and other family members. As you grew up, every time you made a new friend, God connected you both with an invisible string. You're connected to your family, your friends, your teachers, and all the people in your life that love you.

These invisible strings are magical. They can stretch as far as you need them to. They can stretch across the house, to where your mom and your sister are, or they can stretch all the way across the world. The invisible strings never wear out and they never break, so they'll connect you to your loved ones forever.

The best thing about these invisible strings is that they can even stretch all the way to Heaven. That means that even though Daddy died and went to Heaven, he's still connected to you through the invisible string. He'll always be hanging onto his end of the string, so make sure you don't let go of your end.

It's going to be really hard for awhile. Some days, you might feel like your heart hurts so much and you don't know how to make it stop. You might feel really happy one minute and then something will remind you of Dad and that will make you really sad. That's okay. That's normal. In fact, it's really good that certain things remind you of Dad and certain memories come into your mind. You know what that is? That's Daddy pulling on his end of the string. Every time something makes you think of Daddy, that's him pulling on the string all the way from Heaven to let you know that he's thinking of you, that he remembers you, and that he loves you.

Whenever that happens, you should pull on your end of the string too. It will travel all the way up to Heaven and Dad will feel the pull on his heart and know that you're thinking of him and remembering him. God knew it would be really hard for you to lose your dad. It will be really hard to not be able to talk to him, to not be able to see him, to not be able to hug him and kiss him, to not be able to spend time with him. God knew how hard that would be, so that's why he connected you two with the invisible string. Even though you can't see him anymore, you'll still be able to feel him tugging on your heart, letting you know that he loves you.

So even though it's going to be hard for awhile, I know you can do this. I know you can make it through. You'll be able to see Daddy again someday, but until that time, I want you to remember this: Daddy will be with you every day, connected to you by the invisible string. I love you girls, all three of you, and I'll keep you on my heart and pray for you as long as you need me to.

A Prayer for My Third-Grade Teacher, Mrs. Sytsema

Have you ever heard/seen/received bad news and felt it cut you to your very core? You see the words and it's as if someone just punched you in the stomach. You feel a hurt so deep that you can't even properly locate it.

I have that right now. I logged onto Facebook this morning and saw that my 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Sytsema, had posted a link to a carepage for her husband. He was rushed to the hospital last night with a scattered pulmonary embolism. As of the last update, he was in critical condition but had survived the night. I  closed my laptop and left for school, saying a quick prayer for peace and understanding. The Sytsema family was on my mind throughout the day. Paul works at Calvin on the same floor as the Education Department, and I walk past his office every Tuesday and Thursday on the way to class. Today, the door was closed and the lights were off and I just stopped walking as I was passing it. It was as if I had stepped into wet concrete that began to solidify around my ankles. I felt a heaviness in my soul looking at his dark empty office.
When I got home this evening, I immediately got on Facebook and checked Mrs. Sytsema's page for updates.

"Steph, we are all praying for you and the girls."
"We are covering you and your family with prayer and asking Him to provide the strength and comfort you need during this very difficult time."
"My heart aches for you Stephanie, and for your beautiful darling girls."

My heart plummeted. It wasn't real. It couldn't be. I could not believe it. 

He didn't make it. 

How do you come to terms with that? How do you even begin to process that? How does a mom explain to her 10-year-old and 7-year-old daughters that they have to say goodbye to dad now, forever? How do you hold yourself together? How do you hold your daughters together? How do you adjust to an empty bed? How do you get used to being a single mom? How do you begin to rebuild?

Mrs. Sytsema has continued to be a teacher to me, long after I left 3rd grade. I've returned to Grandville Christian to visit her and tell her what I've been doing with my life, what classes I've been taking, what majors and minors I've swapped in and out of my college career, how I've been feeling, what new antidepressants I've been trying...so many things.

About two weeks into my semester of student teaching, I stopped in to see her after school. After all of her 2nd-graders were gone, she sat with me and listened while I cried and choked and sobbed through the story of how my first two weeks were going. That time with her meant so much to me. It drew us closer together, closer than simply teacher and former student. And for that reason, I ache for her. My heart is heavy for her. My very soul is shattered.

And if I'm hurting this bad, how much more crippling is this pain for them?

If you're reading this, please be a prayer warrior for my beloved 3rd grade teacher and her girls. This is one of those times in which words are simply not enough. How do you put words to something you can't even understand? In times like these, I have to just close my eyes, visualize the person I'm praying for, and pour out my heart for them. No words pass through my mind because there are none. But that is where the miracle of intercession happens. Jesus understands our silent tears, silent sobs, silent wordless prayers, and I firmly believe that in those moments, He does His best work.

Mrs. Sytsema, this is my prayer of lament for you; that God will draw you in and plant in you His wisdom and understanding for why He took Paul away from you today. I pray that He will send people to you to hold you tight when you feel like you're falling apart. And most of all, I pray that you will be able to keep your eyes open and fixed on God as you wait for the sun to rise again. I love you.

TWoNC, Day 5: Uses Her Time Wisely

She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. (31:15)

Check it out: this woman gets up while it's still dark outside to prepare meals, attend to the items on her agenda, and fill her provider role. Still dark. Oof. If this was the single item on a "Woman of Noble Character" test, I would fail. This woman doesn't waste her time. She knows not only how much time she needs to do all the things on her list, but she also knows how much time she needs to do those things well. She uses her time wisely.

Over my years of being a student, I've gotten pretty good at determining how much time I need to get an assignment done. Not necessarily to get it done well, just to get it done. This sometimes stems out of a time crunch; as in, I don't have the time to spend on doing everything well. But more often, it stems out of apathy. I often don't care about the quality of my daily homework like readings or journal entries. I know exactly how much time and effort I need to put in to the assignment in order to get the result/grade/understanding I want. This frees me up to use my extra time doing mindless things, like watching TV or playing FreeCell.

I am a staunch supporter of the "I need decompress time." But I tend to take this too far, sometimes sacrificing my homework for more "decompress time." Since starting this series, I've asked myself, "Is this what the WoNC would do?" The answer is...probably not. Does that make me feel guilty? Little bit.

Since I've built most of my undergrad degree on quite a lot of "work smart, not hard," my plan is to turn that around when I do my master's. I want to work smart and work hard. Use my time wisely and learn everything I possibly can. Ideally, all of my classes will be endlessly interesting, but I know that this won't be true, which means it will be even harder to apply this new mindset. Time to buck up, right?

The other implication that I see from this passage is the idea that time is finite and therefore we should take advantage of it. Each person has a finite amount of time in which to live, regardless of how invincible we all think we are. Admit it. You think that tragedy won't happen to you. I often think that way. I drive faster than I should because I think I'm a good driver and in control of my car and therefore a car accident can't happen to me. But all it would take would be another car turning in front of me to smash that illusion to pieces. 

Do I live as if I could die at any moment? No, because it would be depressing to live in anticipation of death. But do I live as if Jesus could return at any moment? Nope. I know I should, but I somehow always get too tired, too busy, too overworked, too something. I don't use my time wisely in the global sense. 

I guess my point is this: how much more could we be doing if we kept in mind the fact that our time is limited? How much more good could we do if we actively sought ways to brighten other peoples' lives? If your time left on earth was cut down to 15 minutes, would you spend it watching TV or saying "I love you" to as many people you could find? 

Well Andrea, when you frame it that way, of course it's easy to pick the I love yous. But do we actually live that way? I don't, but I want to. It's highly unlikely that someone will be around 15 minutes before you die to warn you. The next 15 minutes could be your last.

So the next time you find yourself with a spare 15 minutes, tell someone you love them. Surprise them with an act of kindness. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Tell them you're thinking about them or praying for them. Make their day. 

God, I pray that you would help me to realize when I'm not using my time wisely and to shift my focus to something worthy of the woman of noble character. Help me to remember that the work I do is not just for me, but for your glory too. I want to be a faithful image-bearer. I pray that you would use me to bring good to others, whether I have 15 minutes or 15 years with them. Amen. 

TWoNC, Day 4: Provides for Her Loved Ones

She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. (31:14-15)

The woman of noble character provides for her loved ones. Not just food and clothing and shelter, but things without price: support, recognition, care, affection, affirmation, confidence, and love. She is a strong tower to the people in her life. She provides. She follows through. You can count on her. She takes seriously the responsibility that God has entrusted her with. The responsibility of providing. 

But the most important thing she provides to others is a reflection of God. His love shapes who she is, how she thinks, how she prepares, and how she loves. What God has given to her, she gives to others. She provides wholeheartedly even to the people under her authority, like her slaves and servants. They say that you can tell a lot about a person based on the way they treat their superiors. You can tell even more based on the way they treat their inferiors. This woman treats everyone equally; all as vessels to pour God's love into. 

I wish to thank all of the people in my life that have been providers. Providers not just of the concrete things, like food, new clothes, places to live, books, hugs, etc., but also the less tangible things like encouragement, affirmation, prayer, conversation, and love. Thank you for listening to God's nudge to provide to the people in your life. 

Dear God, I want to thank You for the people you have put in my life, both the ones that have provided for me and the ones for whom I can provide. Thank You for using these people to be the face of You when I feel like I don't know where you are. Help me to remember that You are the giver. You are the one who gives to me, not just so that can keep, but so that I can turn around and give to others. Help me to be on the lookout for those who are in need of something that I can provide and use me to show Your love. 

I cling to You. Amen. 

TWoNC, Day 3: Selective (plus thoughts on the presidential election)

She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. (31:13)

The woman of noble character is selective. This woman in particular selects wool and flax, materials for making clothing, blankets, coverings, etc. She knows that she needs to choose high-quality material so that the things she makes will last as long as possible. Even if money was not an issue, she would still choose wisely so that her money is used most wisely. She knows that her decisions and selections have a direct effect on the safety and well-being of her family, and therefore, she does not make her decisions lightly. 

Women in the time of King Lemuel (the author of Proverbs 31) certainly had many decisions to make, but I think we can agree that women now have even more. We have to make decisions about money, children, friends, family, values, entertainment, jobs, education, political representation, religious representation, and so much more. How we make those decisions provides a direct reflection of who we are and what is important to us. You can almost always tell more about a person by their decisions, not their speech. 

Of particular salience right now is the need to be selective about the presidential candidate that one gives their vote to. I'm not normally interested in politics, possibly even less so during election years because all of the arguing and fighting is simply nauseating. But here's what sparked my interest in this presidential race: an article published in my college's newspaper, the Chimes. http://www.calvin.edu/chimes/2012/10/12/biblical-perspectives-for-campaign-2012/ (You should know that in the print version, the article was entitled "The Christian Way to Vote Obvious from Parties' Platforms." The online version's title is much more objective).

I won't rehash the entire article because you can just as easily read it for yourself. The foundation of the author's argument is that Governor Romney's platform is the one that Christians should support. Unfortunately, his argument is based solely on the issues of abortion and gay/lesbian marriage. It's true; Romney's position on abortion and gay/lesbian marriage is very Biblical. He is morally opposed to both and plans to pass legislation making them illegal. President Obama's legislation supports marriage for all and supports the woman's right to choose what she does with her pregnancy. 

Not only does the article not cover any other key issues, but it also skims over Governor Romney's shortcomings. After spending several paragraphs on what he terms "the Democratic Party's adopted agenda of the sins of Romans 1," he merely covers his back with a sentence or two about the fact that Governor Romney's administration is far from perfect. Since he doesn't give any specific examples, the reader would be entirely justified in concluding that the author does not actually believe this. As a journalist, he has to aim for at least a modicum of objectivity and those two or three sentences seem to fill his quota. 

It is news coverage and extremist propaganda that makes it so incredibly difficult to make good choices. Without getting too snarky or upset, I want to state my position on the two front-running presidential candidates. I'm not particularly impressed with either of them, mostly because neither seems to know that the word "that" comes after the phrase "The reason is," not the word "because." As in, the REASON that I am not particularly impressed with either of them is THAT neither seems to know this rule of English grammar. But aside from questions of language proficiency, here are the reasons that I support President Obama more than I support Governor Romney.

1. I do not support the act of abortion, nor do I support the act of marrying someone of the same gender. However, I do support the right of all people to make their own decisions, which is President Obama's stance. I have never heard anyone say that Obama supports the murder of unborn children. He supports instead the woman's right to make her own decisions about her unborn child. It's the same with gay/lesbian marriage: President Obama is clearly married to someone of the opposite gender, but he understands that not all people want to make the same decision he has made. 

2. It came out in one of the debates that Romney wishes to cut funding for agencies like Planned Parenthood that provide teenagers and young adults with condoms and birth control. Time for some math: 1 box of Trojan condoms costs $12.99 at CVS Pharmacy and you get 12 condoms. So about a dollar per condom. A bottle of prenatal vitamins costs $14.99 and you get 30 pills. That's about 50 cents a pill. Except that, ideally, a woman would take one vitamin every day beginning with the time that she finds out she's pregnant (so about 7 months' worth of vitamins). 210 pills at 50 cents each costs a person $105. And that's probably the least expensive expenditure for an expecting mother. Factor in doctor's visits, hospital costs, insurance costs, food, diapers...the list goes on. Just think: you could have prevented it with a condom that costs one dollar. Even if you used 3 condoms each time, the cost still doesn't even compare. The point here, again, is that one person cannot control the decisions of another. I've written about this very issue before: people are going to have sex no matter how many times we tell them not to. Personally, I'd rather have them do it and use condoms/birth control than do it and get pregnant because they couldn't get condoms/birth control. 

3. Governor Romney wants to funnel a larger percentage of the federal budget into the nation's military so that it will be so strong that no other country will want to challenge it. Now, in my experience, the person or people with the most strength and the most power are typically the most hated. Think of the school bully: he or she has control of the land, but no one actually likes them. I fear the same thing would happen to us. Governor Romney would not augment the military only to have it stay out of other nations' affairs. Otherwise, what's the point of such a strong military? Those billions of dollars could better be spent on education or programs to eliminate poverty. 

4. While Governor Romney's platform is strong on Biblically-based values when it comes to abortion and marriage, where are his Biblically-based values on caring for the vulnerable or being the voice for the voiceless? He's quite vocal on behalf of unborn children, but what about the poor? The struggling? The immigrants? As President, it will be his job to seek the good of all, not just the people most like him that hold his values. President Obama's legislation has at least started the country on a path toward giving a voice to as many people as possible. And while abortion and gay/lesbian marriage are not Biblical in themselves, passing judgment and enforcing a certain worldview at the national level certainly aren't either. 

5. It all comes down to the battle between love and the law. Is it more important to enforce God's law or to show God's love? If you want someone to do something (or not do something), you won't get very far by telling them what to do or creating rules that limit their choices. People don't tend to respond well to things forced on them. You can get a lot farther by providing choice and compassion. When Jesus began His ministry, the religious leaders of the day were worried that He had come to abolish the Law. Jesus said that he came instead to fulfill the Law. If you have any questions about how He fulfilled the law, just take a look at how He lived His life. I'll give you a hint: He did it in love.

I can't tell you how you should vote next month, or if you should even vote at all. If I did, you can tattoo the word "hypocrite" across my forehead since I just got done talking about how important it is to make one's own decisions. So in matters of politics as well as every other aspect of life, it's important and necessary to be selective. Think of yourself, think of others, and think of who you represent. 

Your decisions matter.