Please Plant Me When I Die

Last Saturday, during the recessional of my college graduation, my step-grandfather Bob Smith passed away. He had had a severe heart attack a few days prior and at 85 years old, his body wasn't cut out to recover from it. This was the last in a number of close calls over the last few years, and I guess God finally had Bob's place prepared for him. 

His funeral was today. My uncle Mark delivered the meditation for the service and it was one of the best meditations/sermons/messages that I have ever heard at a funeral. Here are some things I learned about Bob today:

1. He left high school and enlisted in the Air Force in order to fight in WWII. He was only 17 at the time, which meant that he had to lie about his age in order to enlist. 

2. He received an honorable discharge from the Air Force at the conclusion of the War. He then turned right around and enlisted in the U.S. Navy, where he served for several more years. 

3. He owned or co-owned at least 5 businesses in Arizona, including a mechanic's garage, a dry-cleaning service, and a dive bar, among others. 

4. This is the one I'm most proud of: Upon returning to Marshall, MI, his hometown, he enrolled in Marshall HS's Adult Education program and completed his coursework in order to receive his high school diploma. He was 75 years old. 

He was quite a guy, wouldn't you say?

I didn't cry at all today. People on all sides had tears in their eyes, some were even sobbing. But my eyes remained dry. It wasn't because I wasn't sad. I was sad to see Bob go. I was sad to see all the people around me in pain. I was very sad to know that he passed away during my college graduation, an event that he was planning to attend and was looking forward to. 

But my sadness never overcame me and it never brought forth tears. I desperately wish it had, because it's incredibly awkward to remain stoic in a room full of emotional people. I'm sure there were people that thought, "What the heck is wrong with her? Bob's step-granddaughter can't even summon up a single tear to grieve his death? Does she have a heart of stone?"

I promise you, I do not have a heart of stone.

Here's what WAS happening in my heart at the time: I was filled to the brim with a bizarre mix of emotion - sadness, for obvious reasons; happiness, to know that Bob was baptized and committed himself to Christ 8 years ago, when he met and married my grandmother; relief, to know that Bob is no longer hindered by physical ailment and he can work to his heart's delight in Heaven; anticipation, to know that I will see him again one day and tell him about all things I've seen and done since we last saw each other; frustration, with being unable to produce a single tear at his funeral; and peace, to know that this is the way it was all supposed to be. 

At the grave site later on, Uncle Mark delivered a final message. He said, "Today, we are planting Bob Smith. You bury that which you want to forget. But you plant that which you plan to see again." 

That sums up exactly how I have felt about this whole process. I didn't shed a single tear today. But I'm okay with that, I think. Cry when you are sad. Smile when you are happy. 

And certainly, smile when you remember.