A Little Bit More About That OPI....

So the last time I posted, I was resigned to the fact that I didn't do very well on the OPI (the oral proficiency exam required by the state of Michigan in order to student teach) and that I should emotionally prepare myself to see "Intermediate High" on that webpage. the format is like this: I took what is technically the OPIc, which means that the questions came from an avatar on a webpage through the computer's speakers. I then had 1-2 minutes to respond to each into a microphone. I got one chance to repeat the question, but after that, I had to respond. Silence indicates to the evaluator a lower level of Spanish than I'm trying to reach. So think of that, I had to think on my feet, make SOMETHING up if I didn't have a true story or situation to answer with, and I had to do it all in Spanish of course.
Talk about pressure.
I'm not trying to be modest or self-deprecating here; I honestly felt that the Spanish that I spoke during that test was some of the worst I'd spoken this semester. I was second-guessing everything I was saying, getting overwhelmed, trying to think back on my answers to make sure my verbs were conjugated with the correct subject and in the correct tense and mood, that my adjectives matched the gender and number of my nouns, and most especially that I was using the preterite and imperfect tenses correctly. They are both past tenses, but have very distinct uses. Intermediate Highs are separated from Advanced Lows primarily by whether or not the student uses those two tenses correctly. Anyway, I had psyched myself out and worn myself down and by the end of the test, I was filled with such dread for the results. Professor Slagter had to proctor the test and so was in the room for the whole thing, and she said that she thought my answers were good and probably better than I thought they were. But all the way home and all the rest of the day, all I could think about was things I did wrong or didn't demonstrate well enough to reach that Advanced Low. It was a bad rest of the day. On top of that, the results typically take 5-10 business days, which would put it after our return to the States. 4 days left here with nothing to do but worry about those results, eh?
...The results came last night. Within 36 hours, which was pretty interesting. I got home from a friend's house around midnight, checked the webpage that would show the results just on a whim (without really expecting anything) and the first page said "Test Status: Completed" instead "Test Status: Pending." Well, I almost had a heart attack! I knew that either really good news or really BAD news was one click away. Dramatic.
The next few minutes (and what happened) were kind of a blur after I clicked the link to proceed to the results:

I screamed (silently, as it was almost 1 am), began to cry (silently), laughed (silently), danced in place on my bed (silently), and almost dropped my computer off my lap in the process of dancing (NOT silently). I was so relieved, so excited, so full of emotion. It was the best I'd felt all semester. It was SUCH a load of my shoulders, a burden that I had been carrying all semester because I knew it would culminate with this test. It feels so good to have it lifted off. 

The funniest part of all of this is that today, Spanish came so easily to me. You know why? Because I wasn't second-guessing myself on EVERY SINGLE THING I said! All semester, I would worry about my grammar, worry about people understanding me, worry about just about everything related to Spanish. I would mentally beat myself up for making mistakes that I knew I had made immediately afterward (for example, for you Spanish speakers, saying "chicas buenos" instead of "chicas buenas" as is grammatically correct). As soon as the words would leave my mouth, I knew they were wrong and I would get upset with myself. 

Over the course of the semester, my confidence in my Spanish speaking abilities and in myself as a whole deteriorated immensely. Only I didn't realize it until I saw that Advanced Low rating. Now that some arbitrary evaluator told me that I had reached the level of competence I needed, my confidence comes rushing back. 

Why is it like that? I have been surrounded all semester by awesome people that have become great friends, and especially a core group of us education students. There were seven of us, all girls, all of us with the OPI to think about and practice for this semester. We've practiced with each other, prayed for each other, and encouraged each other. And while all of this encouragement and camaraderie was immensely helpful in those moments, it never really restored my confidence. My faith in myself. So ironic, that a complete stranger in New York made this happen instead of my closest friends. It almost seems unfair... 

I'm so glad that it's done and over with. I feel like I can enjoy Spain now that all of my energy and focus isn't going into this stupid exam. Four more days, make the most of them, Andrea. 

Thank you to everyone that prayed for me and encouraged me this semester and most especially in the hour of that OPI. God pulled a fancy little miracle out of his sleeve on this one. 

And to all of you that have told me you knew I could do it....I'm glad that at least YOU all knew, because I sure didn't!